Due Diligence

I recently completed my due diligence neurologically speaking. I had a portable eeg done that we are eagerly waiting for the results to reveal if I have epilepsy. I really don't need another neurological issue, but the doc said we needed to complete the eeg, so I wore it for 48 hours, hoping diligence has been severed! Somehow I'm thinking diligence wasn't served but the insurance company and hospital were!

I can say that the eeg did allow me to diligently explain it's purpose to students and faculty. While most people first thought I was being tested for brain cancer, I diligently explained my battles with migraines, the prevalence of epilepsy and the purpose of wearing a hat to cover the wires. I diligently told students that I wasn't getting electronic shocks and that the eeg didn't hurt.  It smelt bad and I had to cut my hair to get rid of already the glue, but diligence has been served! Now, if only the doctor's office would diligently get my results back!

I included some pictures in case you're curious!

Some Prayers

There are millions around the world praying for the families of Sandy Hook elementary. Tonight I also pray for those families and I also pray for America to stop using such tragic situations as political footballs! I'm praying that while people are arguing about God's involvement, or lack of involvement in this situation that American's use this incident to examine their own values, examine what is truly important to them.

Yes, I hugged my kids a little tighter tonight. This hasn't changed the fact that my husband had more security at his tire plant then any school I have ever worked in. If children are truly our most dearest and important resource, is it too much to ask that all schools ensure exterior doors are locked from the outside? How about badges and door greeters at the front door of all schools? If identification badges, key cards and door greeters are security mainstays at the dam Wal Mart, they sure as hell can be standard at all American schools! I pray such security measures are put in place in every American school by Monday!

I'll be saying a lot of prayers for the children in America who now wonder if their school is safe. I'll be saying prayers for the teachers and staff that they have the strength and awareness to ensure America's schools are safe! Most of all I'll be praying for parents and communities to have the wisdom and strength to ensure children's safety at school! This is AMERICA! We are BETTER than this! We will FIX this!

That Mom

So, it's that time of year when I spend a great deal of time watching my oldest son wrestle. I've been coaching since I was fifteen, so I'm sure there were concerns about how the coach would be a parent with her athletes.  Over the last twenty years or so, I have seen some parents who are coaches stop being a parent and continue being the coach (a really rough coach).  I understand their concerns.  Some of the parents at these wrestling matches are ROUGH and they don't make a living coaching like I do!

I'm pretty well known and with a background in athletic training, I get access that other parents don't.  I have a coach's pass, so I don't pay the $7.00 to get into the match.  If Stephen gets hurt, I go down to the mat (if I'm not already there).  I've wrapped, stretched and iced for the team.  I know where everything is in the med kit and most of the time know where the med kit is.  I have keys to the wrestling room and in a pinch will fill in until a coach can get to the match.  Despite all of this, I try to remember that my role at wrestling is supposed to be Stephen's mom, not a coach!

Since I don't often get to be the athletic parent, I think I'm a good athlete parent, but I've been told that I'm one of THOSE parents!  You know, the ones with the video cameras and no matter where they are in the gym you can hear their voice over everyone else's.  Yeah, I'm that mom!  I have even attached video proof that I am THAT MOM!  Sometimes I think that I have earned the right to be that mom and other times I just pull out my knitting and try to be quiet.  Since I'm not a naturally quiet person, and I'm a very passionate sports fan, I usually leave most wrestling matches hoarse and like I've coached a marathon!

Stephen's childhood/ high school athletic career will come to an end next year.  When he shows his kids old videos of his great high school wrestling career he won't be able to do it without that loud voice in the background.  Even if I'm gone, when he shows his kids his videos, at least generations will know that he had a mom that cared enough to shout the very best behind the camera because she was THAT MOM!

Get In The Fight

This week, when I have been driving home, one of the talking heads has been going on about all the things that are wrong with public education. There have been some valid points, but not once did anyone mention the true problem with public education..... the student! There are a multitude of factors that go into the making of a student, but at some point, the student has to become responsible for their education! With the current state of public education, the student has been excused of their responsibility for their education!   Caller after caller blamed the quailty of the teacher for the lack of performance for the student. Not once did identified parent callers mention that the student they sent the teacher maybe part of the problem!

I've seen the sentiments professed in the radio show time and time again in parent conferences, at athletic events and in communities whenever grownups discuss the lack of performance of students!  In fact, I've seen people almost come to blows over such matters! One parent I spoke to this week stated "No one at that school cares, no one is fighting for my child to get his education! That's what's wrong with public education and if I could afford it I'd put my child into private school!" That rubbed me so wrong, it rubbed me raw! I couldn't resist the urge any longer and responded!

"I have spent the last couple weeks trying to get freshmen to buy into the fact that you need to pass classes to get a diploma. I'm checking grades, talking to other teachers, offering make up work, and staying after school to tutor!  I've called parents, talked to coaches and probation officers. I've had older students come and talk to my students who are failing multiple classes!  I've posted assignments to Twitter, to Facebook and my school website! I've texted students reminders of due dates not only in my class, but others! I provided pencils, pens and paper in gross! I'm fighting for kids everyday, but these kids are not fighting with me! MAYBE THE PROBLEM ISN'T THE FIGHT FOR EDUCATION IN THE TEACHER BUT THE FIGHT FOR EDUCATION IN THE STUDENT!"

Her response? " I don't think you understand how hard it is for kids today! I'm sure none of your personal children have problems that effect their education!"

Really that's the response! I wouldn't understand because four of my kids weren't born premature? One doesn't have adhd, been abused as a toddler and has hated school since pre k? One didn't have a tragic accident where he broke both his jaws? One doesn't have speech issues and severe reading fluency issues? One doesn't have epilepsy, arthritis and chronic migraine? Yes, I'm sure I don't personally understand adversity when it comes to education!

I knew the lady wasn't interested in hearing my personal parental experience with education so, I offered her the only thing I could, witty words of wisdom!

Getting an education can be a real struggle! I can tell you've been fighting for a long time! Now that it's high school it's time for your kid to get into the fight! Tell him to come see me if he needs a sparing partner! And with that I took my leave beccause there's still a lot of fight left in this dog!

Where's my nap!

Where's my nap!? Seriously, I frequently find that I want a nap! 1pm seems like a nice time. I'm full from lunch, it's a small group of kids who are tired too. It sure would help my yawning problem from the hours of 1to 5!  I get a second wind around five but by seven I'm ready for another nap because I'm too young to go to bed at 7pm and too old not to know I'm tired! Since no one sees the benefit to starting school at ten am, an hour nap would be a nice alternative or compensation for getting up at five, to be at work by 730 ,to educate kids who sleep in class until ten anyway!  My cat naps most of the day, babies take regular naps, why not hard working teachers? I just want a nap! It's a small request and I promise I'll be a more rational, functional, productive member of society if I can have a nap!

What The Hell Mondays

I think its time for a new tradition on Mondays! Those moments when you see something or hear something or do something that just makes you say "What the hell?" Well I think we should share such moments with the world so, the next time we have a wth moment we can assure ourselves that it's perfectly normal!  Wth Wednesdays has a nice ring to it, but wth moments don't seem to happen to much in the quantities that they do on Mondays so, wth Mondays it is!

Today's wth moments were plenty but the most outstanding one will not make you want to send your kids to school anytime soon!  I'll start with some minor wth moments before the shocker wth moment.  I find its best to go slow with wth disclosures for people outside of education who don't believe such craziness happens, but wth it does everyday! Maybe it was the break, or coming back to school from the break, or just the youth of America but.. wth was I thinking expecting students to work the day we get back from break? Yes in deed, at least one student every period said that, and yes people that's what your tax dollars are paying to educate! That's probably not a shocking wth moment for many of you so, here's another one! Had a student who has a major medical moment that leaves him incapacitated. 911 is called and the ambulance is on the way! The patents' response when told of the situation was panic, concern? Guess again! The parent wanted to know if it was really necessary for them to go to the hospital. WTH?! When your kid can't talk and is blue medical attention is necessary! The last wth moment? We were going around the room asking how everyone's break was. Most kids responded with a good, fine, it sucked... general stuff. One kid though just blew my mind  he shared that during his break, he "ran a train" and not the kind that goes choo choo! WTH?! At first I thought he was trying to be funny and didn't know I knew what he was talking about and despite the other kids and myself telling him to shut up, this joker wanted time continue with descriptions of his exploits! WTH? I don't get paid enough to deal with that sorta stuff so, tomorrow the ad administrator who does get paid for such situations gets to speak with the young man and have his own wth moment!

Feel free to share your Monday wth moment!

Getting Ready

While the pies are baking and the house is sorta clean, I'm attempting to get three boys ready to run tomorrow. It's hard enough to get yourself ready at 5am, but throw in three boys and it can be a recipe for disaster! Oh, did I forget to mention the new exercise I started last night to help strengthen and stabilize my ankles has my left foot swollen and painful? Right now I'm not feeling optimistic about a run to show how thankful you are that you can run! In fact, I'm down right scared for tomorrow!

Why am I full of fear instead of joy and thanksgiving?  There's always the fear that the alarm doesn't go off, or we don't arrive to the start corral on time. There's the possibility of losing one of the boys in the 4000 people that are running tomorrow, in Atlanta. There's the possibility that my foot will be so bad in the morning that I'll not be able to run, or possibly walk the entire three miles. This induces a full panic attack for the coach in me that yells finish the drill and the athlete in me whose never not finished a race! There's also the big meal that will need to be cooked and ready for nine other people by six pm. I'm also fearful that I won't get a nap so, I will be awake enough to enjoy my family that I'm very thankful for!

I'm not fearful by nature and this isn't our first family race. As FDR said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself!" So, on a day where we offer prayers of thanksgiving for what we have, here's my Thanksgiving Eve prayer (and we'll take all the prayers we can get)!

Dear Lord, I thank you for my family and their willingness to share the day with me. I thank you for our health, our home and too many blessings to count! Amen!

Marathon Mom?

Today, three of my boys and I went to their first racing expo. They were super excited and enjoyed their new shirts for the race. Colin is ready to run a marathon and told anyone advertising for marathon that they should allow him to run because he's the fastest in the family. Unlike their mother, these boys are positive that they can run a marathon and that their mom can run one too. I, on the other hand have some serious doubts that a marathon is going to be possible.

In a room full of runners, there were many people that thought I could run a marathon, but when the alarm goes off at five am, or the migraine has taken hold to such an effect that every step reverberates in your head, or your adorable children are having a fist fight in the car, those runners are long gone! Don't get me wrong, I have a very supportive family that cheers me on at races and willingly will let me have a couple hours for a ten mile run. My family has even been known to ride their bikes while I run/walk/crawl long runs and always has a coke ready for recovery! The family has great faith that I can run 26.2 miles in 2013.

The distances alone is overwhelming. There was a shirt at the expo that said "26.2 what could go wrong?" Then there was a list on the back of the shirt that gave ten very real possibilities of what could go wrong. There were some things missing on the list that run through my head, like what if my migraines don't cooperate long enough to get the long runs in. How about all those bone fragments in my ankle? Blisters? Cramps? Arthritis anyone? Three miles, six miles, hell even 13.1 miles doesn't seem that far, but 26.2 seems like a million miles.

I'd like to think that I can get around the time commitments for training, the medical issues and the self doubt by committing to a training team for charity. Then I contemplate the fact that I can't find a training team for something other than cancer. It's not that I don't believe that people should raise money for cancer. Lots of good things have happened because people have raised lots of money for cancer research and support. Also, I have friends that have had cancer and my father died in his forties of cancer, so it's not like I don't have reasons or attachment to raising money for cancer, but running for cancer just... Well my heart really isn't in it. If I'm running a marathon for a cause, I want to draw attention to the fact that disability or epilepsy or chronic migraine does not have to limit you in finishing a marathon. I've spent hours looking for a team in training for arthritis, epilepsy, brain disorders, or education.

So here I sit, contemplating my 2013 racing season, wanting to run my first marathon and not sure how to make that happen. Most of the people around me think I can do it even if they don't know why I would want to. I have two books on marathon training and three different apps to assist in training. I have information on Team in Training for leukemia and several twitter and facebook friends who have run marathons. I have a supportive family and for the most part my body can still put one foot in front of the other. Hopefully my brain will stop with the self doubt and let my body accomplish something great other than the usual getting out of bed everyday!

The Migraine Makes a Comeback

Today marks three days with a migraine. Three days prior I was on a two week reprieve from migraine and for the first time in two years I got to see what a normal brain and life were like. Can I say it was a wonderful experience? Is this how the rest of the world lives, because what a fantastic way to feel! I'd like to feel this way more often and now I know that there has to be a way to have more weeks like the previous two instead of having days like the last three. So, I have been looking over the previous two weeks for enlightenment and more migraine free days. Here's what I discovered.

My brain, like many of the Autistic students I teach, must follow a schedule. I'm not fond of the dictated schedule which is up by 5:40 AM, regular meals and Cokes (3 to 4 a day), 30-60 minutes of exercise and bed by ten! I also have time eat a regular intervals. This has put on some extra pounds, which I'm really not fond of. I'm not surprised by this food thing as I've read countless articles about food and migraines, but have you seen a diet plan that lets you drink three to four cokes a day and a chocolate glazed donut for breakfast? (Aspertaine in diet coke gives me a migraine and five kids makes for a small bladder that water runs through quickly). I'm not sure about my Lamotrigine doing much either. Research has shown it's effective for about one percent of people with migraines, and during my two weeks free of migraine I was only taking two a day instead of my regular seven or eight. This is in part to still struggling with learning to use the alarms on my phone and in part to having a cold and taking s ton of meds for that.

So, that's what I came up with. Tomorrow I will be waking up at sixish on a break, stop tracking calories and walk/run. I'm hoping that does the trick for another two weeks, but if it doesn't that chocolate donut and coke for breakfast is going to taste mighty fine!

New Kicks

I have a new pair of shoes! I love sneakers and in my younger days had quite the collection, but now a days I have to remember that there are five kids who also need shoes so, my sneaker habit has significantly declined. Lately, I've been having some aches and pains running that I don't normally have and when you spend $100 on sneakers, your husband demands that the sneakers get their full 500 miles before they're retired. Despite my husband's demand, I knew deep down that my old shoes wouldn't make the long haul thorough my attempt at marathon training so, I got flashy new ones for a neutral runner (like me).

It's not that I didn't like my old sneakers, but they were causing my knees and hips issues! Sneakers aren't suppose to do that so, I had to let my old sneakers down easy... they'll be kicking around as my daily kicks. I have high hopes that my new kicks will get me to the Flying Pig Marathon in May!

When you have a seizure

"If you have a brain, then you can have a seizure!" I saw an ad stating this yesterday and thought, how true. Seizures are unpredictable, or so they say. I think Elijah would argue that point because his seizures act up with the weather and usually when there's something he desperately wants to do. Like today!

Elijah was excited to go out to eat. Sitting down at a restaurant isn't something that we do very often so, it's kinda a big deal when we do. We were enjoying our breadsticks, waiting on the pizza when the tell tale stare happened. The pizza came, there was some twitching some verbal irregularities and trouble cutting the pizza. His head started to hurt and we still had to go to Wal Mart.

Seizures take a lot of time out of your life if you let them. Elijah tries not to and with the promise of picking out a new pillow, we went to Wal Mart. Elijah rode around Wal Mart in a cart. Motor control was still a bit of an issue, but we got his winter clothes and groceries. There were lots of comments from people that they would like to ride through Wal Mart in a pillowed cart. Elijah had a hard time understanding why someone would choose to ride around a store like he was. I explained to him that the people didn't know that he had seizures, they just thought he was having a good time.
His response? "Well when they have a seizure then they can ride in the cart! I'll trade with them any day!" Me too buddy, me too!

I Do By Myself

I have always been the person that can do by theirselves. I do myself was probably my first phrase. So, today that fundamental part of my being has been undermined by medical professionals who are looking out for my physical well being. In looking out for my best physical well being, they have neglected my psychological well being. Slightly melodramatic I know, but after they brought in the third neurologist today, I think I'm entitled (at least for today)!

What has me out of sorts? First, a severe allergic reaction to my abortive migraine med means no more trusted abortive migraine med. Of course I could have another severe allergic reaction to the new med because its in the same family and this time I might not be as lucky as the last allergic reaction! Second, the medical professionals are trying to rule out epilepsy. Yeah, more tests that I can't afford for a condition that can severely limit my "do for myself" tendencies! Lastly, I have been put in seizure confinement! Seriously that's what it feels like! I'm 38 and feel I'm too old for a babysitter! I do by myself and have since I was eleven! The new rules are no showering without supervision, no climbing heights above three feet, no cooking over hot flames, and no driving! My family is also considering adding no running BY MYSELF!

Now we're going to far! I'm independent by nature and fully intend to stay that way, seizures or no seizures! Too much babysitting, too much confinement, is just too much! So while I'll try to follow most of my new rules I'll be running (or walking) by myself! Friends and family are welcome to come run with me in order to enjoy my company, but not to babysit. Any other reason won't let me do what I can do by myself!

WebMD, My Doctor and Me

Tomorrow marks a big day in my migraine treatment. I have to tell the doctor that I've been having numbing, swelling and breathing difficulties when I take my Imitrex. I know severe allergic reactions are nothing to play with, but Imitrex and I are old friends and it frightens me to suffer from chronic migraine without my trusty savior Imitrex! I also have to tell the doctor that I'm having uncontrollable twitching with my eyes and arms, as well as some moments of unfocused time (I'm not sure how to describe such moments other than the lights are on, I'm home, but can't really do much)!

Web MD, that wonderful tool where you can diagnose yourself and have several life ending illness at the same time, seems to think I have simple seizures. That's perplexing because I take a seizure med for a preventative for migraine. Obviously the seizure med does not feel it has to do double duty if I do indeed have seizures. Epilepsy is Elijah's claim to fame, and at my age I really don't want to step on his toes and share that diagnosis. How about I'll just be a coach and cheerleader for people with epilepsy? Seems like a good deal to me!

I could make all the deals I wanted, but everyone knows I'll pay $45 tomorrow to know less than I do today. The doctor will caution me against self diagnosis, but encourage me to manage/adjust my medication as needed. I do have a doctorate degree (okay it's a phd in education but for $45 we could say close enough, right?) so, I should be educated enough to not jump to conclusions after a brief consultation with Web MD! Expensive test maybe ordered, more questions asked, and I may still be left with the same issues/diagnosis I made before WebMd or the doctor....my brain works when it wants to, kinda like the rest if the people in the world!

Family Walk

Part of the path

Even nature gave us an A!

Yesterday, the family and I went for a little hike.  Okay, most of the family because some of the teens think going to a state park for a hike with mom and dad is not cool.  Maybe cool isn't the right word, but if it requires you to stay home, get up early and ride in a car with your uncool parents and brothers and sisters, said teens make other arrangements.  It's okay, the true cool members of the family went and had a great time! 

My poor husband had worked the previous night before.  The weather was perfect for a fall hike, and the little kids were eager to explore a new state park.  The kids packed sandwiches and snacks for the hike and plenty of water was packed for a long walk through the woods. I think I should get an A for being the mom who has convinced not only her kids that hiking is a great way to spend a day off, but also convincing a husband who has worked all night that he wants to go on hike with his wife and three active kids!

Almost to the top of Panola

We arrived at Panola State Park with no idea what the trails would be like, other than there was a mountain and a link trail to the Path System of Atlanta.  The kids were super excited when they heard that there were animals at the Nature Center and even happier when they saw the playground.  The great thing about Georgia's state park system is it only costs 5.00 to get in, there's always a playground and the rest rooms are always clean!  What more can a mom ask for with an exhausted husband and three kids who have been in a car for a hour?

While we waited for the the rangers to return from lunch, to the nature center, we took the rock cropping hike.  It was only 3/4 of a mile.  That's right only 3/4 of a mile which Elijah viewed as a warm up to the main distance event.  Since we live in the south, I had forgot how much temperatures change when hiking up a mountain, even a small one.  Colin didn't seem to mind the cold, but I guess kids don't really feel the cold when they're using a hiking trail for a trail race with their brother and sister.  There was the hunt for walking sticks and the reading of all the educational signs about the area.  The arthritic person in me was proud at the walking stick selection, and the teacher in my was proud that my kids actually stopped to read the signs and learn something new (even if it was about fecal matter found in the woods).

Educational Moment

We took a break, ate some lunch and visited the Nature Center.  The kids were underwhelmed with the animals, but were fascinated with the replica of the outhouse.  Who would of thought that animal fecal matter and outhouses would be the educational moments of the day?  After the nature center we found some more trails and an exhausted husband said he was game for another hike. 

I have obviously had some influence on my children because when the ranger told my husband that the Path trail was 11 miles one way to the mall, and 11 miles back, Elijah responded that the distance was not too far.  In fact, the kid with the biggest walking stick and the worst arthritis, does not think 22 miles is that far to walk in a day!  Yeah Me! Of course the closest Elijah has come to a 22 mile hike is the 10 miles he rode on a bike when I did my last ten mile run to train for a half marathon.  My husband did not share Elijah's enthusiasm for such an undertaking so, we agreed that we'd do a 40 minute hike on the path.  I was able to get a two mile hill walk in.  My kids were able to run off some energy they had stored up all week.  My husband was able to stay upright and keep up with me after being up for 25 hours straight.  As a reward for such a great day, ice cream was had by all!

Josie and Elijah waiting to start the hike

The view from the top of Panola Mountain

Every family needs a "rock"star

Almost there!

Holding up a very tired husband after a very long day with his loving family!

Showing the Love

I read a blog post recently from a man who listed the 26 reasons he loved his wife. He gave a reason for each letter of the alphabet and they were a little tongue and cheek. I liked the idea, but I'm not creative enough to match reasons with letters of the alphabet. Besides, I'm not sure my husband has qualities that match letters of the alphabet. The idea has been calling me (okay, I can't resist a challenge) since I read the blog post. So, in my infinite wisdom, I'm going to try to make a wordy, shout out of love for a fantastic man, my husband! Here are the ten reasons I love my husband, because more than ten would give him a big head!

10. We have known each other for a very long time! This saves a lot of time because he already knows about my past.

9. He's always at every finish line with a smile and a coke! I should probably be more impressed that he drives me home without a word about how bad I smell, but the coke tastes really good after 13.1 miles!

8. He refrains from commenting on how bad I sing, or how loudly I sing. I do both frequently!

7. He remembers to put the toilet seat down and taught all of our boys to do the same! Pretty cool considering they're only two girls in the house!

6. He really doesn't care what other people think. He is who he is, like him or not. He doesn't need other people's approval, but he is quick to brag about our family! Ask all the other doctoral students at my graduation ;)

5. He asks me how I'm feeling, knowing its a fifty, fifty shot that I'll be having a good day. He's willing to carry me in from the car, but not before I ask. He's achieved a balance of assisting me when I'm ill and letting me live as normally as I can with my health conditions! This has to be pretty difficult because I'm pretty difficult!

4. He thinks I'm beautiful and tells me so everyday! He's also smart enough to tell me I'm not fat when I question if eating double stuff Oreos, chased with a coke will make me fat!

3. He's my right hand man (even if he is left handed)! He's always willing to help me with my endeavors from coaching to painting my nails!

2. He helped me make two beautiful boys inside and out!

1. He's my best friend in the whole wide world, and like any best friend he loves me despite my all my flaws!

I hope his head doesn't topple over after reading this, but I just wanted to show a little love for the man who walks (and carries) with me on my journey!

Things To Do

Today, I went for a run! Trust me it was a big accomplishment! You see I have a problem with getting things done on my to do list, a really BIG problem. A couple weeks ago one of my students pointed out that a to do list with 25 items a day was too much, especially when none of the items are fun. He also pointed out that they were all work related things to do and I had to have things to do in my non work life. When a teenager looks at you and says all work and no play makes for tired, unhappy teacher then it's probably time to do something about the to do list. So, I added some of my non teacher to do's on my to do list.

My student gave me a F! An epic failure when he saw my to do list today. There were 20 items and three were non teacher items. Hey, I was making improvements and I thought that I should at least get a D! My student must have a great teacher because he gave prescriptive feedback on my work. My lovely student added item 21 to the to do list in big capital letters that took up the rest of the page. He made sure there was no way I could add anything else to the list. Smart boy! I know he has a good teacher now! What did he write?

RUN!!! Today I was a good student! I did my homework and ran 2.8 miles! I hope my teacher gives me an A!

What's Your Problem

A student asked me today what my problem was.  The first response that comes into my head is not the most professional one because it automatically is, "YOU!"  You is simple.  You does not require a great deal of thought to pronounce.  You shifts the focus off of me, and back onto the person who asked the question! You ends the conversation, unless the YOU is me. 

When I don't have a migraine, my brain tends to take in information quickly and wishes to process it as quickly.  It's almost like my brain knows that a headache will be back at any time, so my brain has decided to force contemplation (even if it's for the simple question of "What's your problem?").  My brain knows at the next headache it will not be able to contemplate my existence, but it's going to force such contemplation when it does not hurt.  Before changing my major to education, I was a philosophy major (the heavy let's contemplate man's existence in the world type philosophy major). I think my brain is still a little pissed that I got pregnant and changed my major in order to feed a child. In it's younger days, my brain was very altruistic, but as we have aged it's beginning to understand the more practical side of life (even if it doesn't like to be forced there on occasion). Screaming baby needs to eat, and intelligent mother needs to pick a career with health insurance and stable money so said screaming baby can eat!  That folks is how a teacher with a brain like mine is made- NECESSITY! Sorry for not having a better reason on why I was "called" to education, but it does give my brain an adequate source for contemplation.

SO, what is my problem today?  That's a loaded question for my brain and as I was driving home my brain contemplated what my problem was. The rest of me just wanted to listen to the radio and get home to eat the chicken and potatoes I put in the crock pot this morning!  Pratical was not winning out today.  Since I really want my brain to hold off on serious contemplation tonight because there's some trashy television I want to watch, I'm appeasing it by writing what my current problems are, so here goes the list:

1. Atlanta traffic- Do we all really need to be at work at the same time?
2. Driving in the rain in Atlanta traffic- Did everyone forget how to drive because there is wet stuff coming from the sky?
3. Checking and signing in- Couldn't the school work if I was a little late or absent?  Don't we have a program that tells you I'm out and don't I always call when I'm stuck in Atlanta traffic? The answer to all those questions is yes, but the process is still the same and today my brain isn't really feeling the process!
4. Kids and food- Why don't kids pack their own lunches?  Didn't you know that you were coming to school and that your lunch time is three hours away?  Aren't you capable of getting a pop tart? I'm eating my donut that I manged to get on my way to work, so stop begging for me to give you a piece, or part of my lunch!  I'm not the grocery store or a chef!
5. Why the hell can't kids today have paper, pen or a pencil?- Really, if you can bring every electronic device that you own to school, you'd think a student could manage some paper and a writing utensil!
6. Common sense is not common- Why do they call it common sense when it isn't very common?  Why do I have to deal with large quantities of people who lack common sense when I have a lot to do?
7. Planning- Not sure why I plan to do anything during a day because something always gets in the way of completing my to do list. Okay, I usually get in the way of completing my to do list because I can't.... problem number eight
8. Say No, it'll have to wait, I'm busy right now-  Could this inability to utter these words be a direct result of being a mom of five kids?  If it is, I want a refund.  Other people who have mastered these words seem to be getting a lot more done then I do in a day!  Maybe they don't have kids or interactions with the public?
9. My daily Coca-Cola intake- With all my medical issues you really think the most pressing issue is that I drink three to four cokes a day?  What about those cups of coffee you drink (there's more caffeine in them then there is in my coke)? My kidney's haven't shut down yet and I'm much more concerned about the bladder five kids kicked around and it's inability to not see a rest room every two hours.  If I'm going to die from drinking three to four cokes a day, it's going to be a lot better than the stroke, brain aneurysm or heart attack that are statistically more realistic to kill me!
10. I need/want to run, but something always gets in the way- Thanks to the rain, the fatigue, and swelling in my joints have sapped my energy for a run tonight.  The torrential down poor this morning wasn't particularly motivating either! I'm guessing that Josie and Elijah threw up most of the night didn't help my running cause much.  Also, my attempt at training for a marathon says I don't have to start until tomorrow and my practical side says "If you paid for an app to train with then you need to follow the plan!"

So, these were what my problem was today.  Mild irritations considering the real daily problems I deal with.  My contemplating brain wants you to know that there were more serious things I dealt with today and it's not thrilled with my attempt at appeasement.  Major problems today were assisting a 14 year old dealing with being a new father, bolstering the self-esteem of a student with CP in her first chorus concert, and trying to convince a student not to have a brawl.  These were serious problems!  I acknowledge them contemplating brain!  Happy? I'd really like to go back to the television, where my hardest problem is going to be what trashy show I want to watch tonight!

Surprise

I turned 38 on Monday to no fan fare. Stephen did leave me a note on my desk stating that 38 was the new 70, and that folks was the highlight of my day.  It was a little awkward trying to explain to my co workers, and especially my students, that there were no plans, or presents that day, not even a cup cake! My husband did order pizza for dinner that night, and my mom called to say happy birthday and then talk about work. Not much of a celebration of my life after 38 years. This was the thanks I got for dutifully planning and executing every birthday in my house?  I figured that my family could at least put something together to show their love and appreciation that I was born. Epic fail!  Since it was my family, I should have know better! 

The next couple days were awkward as people asked me what type of birthday I had.  My response, "Lots of people told me happy birthday on Facebook, I didn't have to cook supper and the kids cleaned the house so, pretty good."  Most of the people who asked couldn't hide their confusion and I couldn't help unconfuse them. The rest of the week went pretty well, work, volleyball, home and sleep. Since my birthday had passed I wasn't expecting anything else.  When we got a $1500 utility bill I figured that it was a sign from God that this year was not a birthday to be celebrated.

Saturday, I was up early to coach my team at the Area Playoffs.  Josie had an audition for an All State Chorus and I knew that most of the day was shot with all that going on.  Of course, the volleyball that hit the back of my head wasn't doing much for my migraine either.  After losing our second game, and spending two hours in a cafeteria listening to sopranos warm up scales,  the best I was hoping for Saturday was some Imetrix and a nap (hell I would of been happy to take my Imetrix and go to sleep for the rest of the night). I guess Stephen's assessment that 38 was the new 70 wasn't too far from the truth, and like any other 70 year old I didn't care.  Age grants you the privilege of taking naps at random times of the day so, 70 doesn't seem that bad. I got home around 3:30 and went straight to bed.  Stephen came in at some point to ask me if I wanted pizza or chicken for supper.  Since I was a little groggy with my migraine hangover, I wasn't sure I was really hearing my mother's voice, but when Brian came in to the bedroom and told me that there was a surprise, well I was surprised.

Surprise!

My husband, kids and mother coordinated a wonderful surprise birthday party (and I've wanted one of those since I was a little kid)!  There was pizza, cake and presents.  The kids were excited. My husband was excited and I was super EXCITED!  My head even cooperated and the migraine that was killing me at Josie's audition disappeared for the rest of the evening.  Brian took the little boys shopping, and much to his surprise they are both fashion fiends!  After 38 years, I finally have an orange wool coat! Colin got me a green sweater that actually looks very good on me! I have a lovely new dress from my husband and the rest of the kids, and my mom got me a fancy, dancy pair of running headphones. SURPRISE!!

Showing off my new orange coat!

Coaching With Headache

Someone asked me today if coaching wasn't a big headache I could do without. Probably. My husband would tell you yes, my kids would tell you maybe and I would tell you I coach with a big headache, many, many, many times with a really BIG, BIG, BIG, HEADACHE! I've coached inside with a headache and outside with a headache. I have travelled to and from games/meets with a headache. I have arrived and left with a headache! If I've coached it, I've coached it with a headache! I've had headaches so bad that opposing teams ask if I'm okay! I've had headaches so bad that the trainer thought I had a stroke! Headache, coaching, and I go way back.

Headache has been my assistant coach for the last sixteen years! Like any partnership we are use to each other. Headache steps in if I run too hard, if I yell too much or if the games moving too slow! I know if its raining, if its hot, or if the gym lights flicker because Headache will be right by side telling me to sit my ass down and watch the game (usually quietly because my yelling gives Headache a headache)!

So, the official answer to "isn't coaching a headache you can live without?" is yes, but he's been my assistant coach for this long it would be sad to see such a coaching team retire!

When I Grow Up!

When I grow up I want to be my son Colin! Really, I do! At the tender age of 8 he's figured the world out and seems pretty happy in it 99% of the time! The world also seems happy with him 99% of the time! This must be a pretty cool way to travel through life. His mother, which would be me, does not enjoy the same percentages of world happiness as her son does! I'm more a 50/50 girl, and on most days I run 70/30 towards the not so happy. Interesting that I was able to produce a kid that attracts such happy circumstances!

There is that cute factor Colin struts around. He's cute, and sweet, and knows how to work a crowd with the exact amounts of shyness and bravado required to get large groups of people to do what you want. His ability to work a crowd means he gets to choose participating in activities he likes and gets someone else do what he doesn't like. He smiles and gives a hug, then you watch the crowd beg to appease his wants and needs, all for a hug! I,on the other hand, passed the cute stage at about four. I'm silent, or loud, and not much in between. My smile is not something that most people desire to see (in part because my front teeth are stained brown and in part because I no longer have chunky cheeks).

Unlike his mother, Colin doesn't care if you think he's smart (and he is) or competent (and he is). He enjoys who and what goes on around him, and if he isn't enjoying it then he creates his own little world until the circumstances or people change. He welcomes new people like they're family, where the rest of his family stands back to see if the new person makes the cut.

As soon as my car pulls in the drive, or as soon as he sees me there's a goofy, toothless grin and a big hug to greet me! If I'm having a bad day he has a coke ready and snuggles on standby! When I grow up, I want to still have the energy, the flexibility and the confidence to approach life like Colin. I'm 38 now and I haven't mastered Colin's skills on my journey, but on the bright side I have a great guide (even if he's only 8)!

Teaching Batman

Most days I have a wonderful job, and some days it's a little rough.  I teach interesting kids, which makes for interesting days.  I like interesting and I like to laugh and have a good time.  I hope that my students like coming to my class and find it as interesting as I find teaching them.  Yesterday was one of those days.

I have a student who is one of the highlights of my day every day that he enters the classroom.  He works hard, but he doesn't always get grade level material. He requires a great deal of attention when he is in the class, but he gives me a great deal of joy for the fifty-five minutes that I see him.  This week has been homecoming and Friday was toga day for the seniors.  I knew when I finished helping one of the seniors with her pink leopard toga that my student was going to do something creative with the left over material when he came into class.  He did not disappoint.

I went to school yesterday sick.  I really wasn't in the mood to do much but hold down the fort and get caught up on paper work.  The day didn't work out like that because what days ever work out how you plan?  I was questioning why I went to work feeling so bad, when... enter Batman.  As soon as my student saw the left over fabric he went into full character mode and the results were great for everyone's mood and enjoyment of learning the physical geography of Latin America.  The scraps of fabric became a cape, arm cuffs and a head piece.  Add a batman mask that I used as a pass last year and let the food times role.

The lesson became information needed for Batman to beat the bad guys in Latin America.  The student kept the class in stitches and they all seemed more engaged in the material as they were helping Batman get ready for his mission.  Pictures were taken and I couldn't help but leave my bad mood behind.  In fact, I haven't laughed that hard in a classroom in a long time.  Despite feeling poorly, I thoroughly enjoyed teaching Batman and the other students enjoyed helping Batman.  I like to think that I foster a sense of acceptance in my classroom and that learning can be fun.  Did "batman" really think he was Batman for 55 minutes?  Possibly?  Will every student in that class remember what we learned about Latin America?  Definitely!

I think sometimes teachers are so focused on test results that they forget that teaching is making connections between knowledge and people.  Yesterday was one of those special moments in my class where that happened. It wasn't conventional, and it was a little rowdy.  The teacher couldn't stop smiling and laughing and the students got to act like the teacher at times.  I'm sure if I was to be evaluated by the current standards, I wouldn't rate very high, but I know that the students in that class will never forget how entertaining and fun a lesson can be.  All with a superhero in their midst (okay a tall, goofy freshman in a sheet and a mask, but whose to say he's not a superhero) So, I say long live BATMAN!  I know I enjoyed teaching him yesterday!

Temporary Failure to Run

I'm supposed to be running a half marathon tomorrow, in Maine where lots of people I know will be running. I will not be attending do to financial, time management and health reasons that did not allow me to prepare adequately to run. This is the first time I registered for a race and was not ready, or able to run, and it causes me great distress.

I'm big about doing what you say you're going to do, and I've been known to uphold that principal to the point that I'm sick. It's hard to make peace with not completing a race for the following very lame reasons:
1. I could not make my volleyball schedule and running schedule work!
2. Due to Elijah's braces, broken hot water heater and car tags we really couldn't afford the air fair to get to Maine. (I could of drove but gas and toll money to get to Maine wouldn't be much cheaper than air travel!)
3. My migraines and internal clock are not cooperating with running in the morning or the evening after practice!

Those are my lame reasons. Upon reflection I know I might have been able to adjust the volleyball schedule to accommodate my running (which gives my husband another reason why I should stop coaching, and yes that has been a yearly argument for the last ten years). There wasn't much I could of done about the money issues (trust me we run a pretty tight budget around these parts and I still haven't saved enough to buy that money tree). The most frustrating of all the reasons, the one that no matter how hard I try to control and overcome, there are times I just can't! My body is my best weapon and my worst enemy! My will and want to run are strong, but the vertigo, the auras, the sensitivity to sound, light and smells and the head pain are stronger. It's frustrating and sad all at the same time.

Failing to run a race, while frustrating and depressing, has forced me to evaluate how running effects my overall existence. Why am I running? I don't need to lose weight. I don't have any running buddies to hold me accountable (I'm working on this one so, let me know if you'd like to step up). I don't need another tee shirt. Why do I run? The reason I'm running (okay running and walking) is for times like now when I can't run. I have run three 5k's, two 10k's and two half marathons since I started running a year or so ago. This year I have logged 355.8 miles and there's three more months left (hello 400?)! That's 355.8 miles more than the previous year! So, volleyball is almost over and the weather is getting cooler (and I have large quantities of cold weather running gear) and you know what? I'm getting ready to tackle the next race and let this race's failure be only temporary!

Cool Mom?

I have "interesting" kids, all five of them and sitting in an elementary lunch room puts that in clear focus! You see yesterday Colin asked me to come to school for lunch and I usually do this with my husband. Who by the way, was cool for years because he stayed at home and all the other dads worked. Mom was, and still is, just a teacher and a coach which there are plenty of at a any school. Not winning any cool points there, but due to my competitive nature I'm trying to assess where my cool points are so I acquire the appropriate number to be a cool mom!

I'm cool at the high school (hey who isn't cool with a rhyme like that)! The fact that I run the concession stand, coach and willingly run after school in my spandex makes me pretty cool. As long as no one asks Stephen about why his mom runs after school, in spandex, while he's at wrestling, he thinks I'm pretty cool (at least as cool as a mom gets in high school)! I'm also pretty cool at lunch when he's snacking on my leftovers or some goody from the teacher's dining room!

Zeke tells his friends I'm cool because I cook, we'll I actually fry a lot and bake a lot when he's not with his dad! Since he's on some natural, gluten free, reduced sugar, crappy diet during the week, I'm super cool two to three days a week!

Josie, well being the only other girl in the house and the chief Josie chore enforcer makes me not so cool. I am super cool in the mornings when she "borrows" my clothes. Josie's told me I'm cool because I know the words to most of the songs on her IPod (Is now the time I tell her that because of the cloud we have the same songs? Maybe I'll keep that bit of cool to myself a little longer). Josie has informed me that only cool moms allow their daughters to make chocolate chip cookies from scratch in the seventh grade so I think I racked up major cool points there!

Elijah has written that I am a cool mom because I remind him to take his meds, get him up in the morning and make really good food! Major cool mom points if your kid thinks your cool when you nag and get them up in the morning for school! Of course I'll be saving that note for when he hits those teen years and finds such mom behavior not cool!

Colin thinks I'm cool because I run, make really good fried chicken and on those rare occasions that I eat lunch at school with him, I bring cookies or cup cakes! I've also been known to bring him a coke too (major cool points from the kid, but not so much from the teacher)!

So, if I tally it up I have to rake in the cool mom points. Multiplied by five I have to be a cool mom more than I'm not a cool mom, right? Of course a large amount of my cool points comes from my culinary comfort talents, but I have determined if cup cakes, cookies and fried chicken will rake in the cool mom points then I should probably get busy! I need to store up the points for fall yard work, wrestling, volleyball Christmas chorus concerts and report cards where I'll definitely not be earning mom cool points!

On a Walk

This week I've been going on a thirty minute walk with Josie, Elijah and Colin. Know what I've discovered? My kids talk a lot (okay that's not really a new discovery), but at least they're willing to share the details of their lives. I have heard about elementary drama on the playground, teachers who lose their cool and other people's naughty children (I'm sure there is a patent out there hearing about my naughty children's antics). Each child wants to talk about different things and when one is talking to me the other two talk to each other. It may be the only thirty minutes of the day that they get along and it was mighty nice of them to do it in public!

Josie likes to recap the day and will provide a critique of the bus ride, chorus and usually her science class. She'll also sing so it's a good opportunity for me to assess if all the money I'll be investing in chorus is worth it. Let's just say that 600 for the chorus trip to Disney may take a couple more walks!

Elijah likes to talk about the most recent story line of his comic. He'll ask me questions about what he's learning in class, "just to check if his teachers are telling the truth." He also informs me of his plans for the future. Apparently he's adopting 5 kids without a wife and plans on buying his mom the Victorian house up the street. What a great son!

Colin talks a mile a minute and he talks with his hands! He's very animated with everything he says and filled with questions. He also has boundless energy (I wish I could bottle it. I'm sure it would sell faster than any energy drink)! I've enjoyed watching the future of track on our walks as Colin hurdles cracks on the sidewalks and jumps off of every wall and curb. He conjures images of completing a marathon together in the years to come! Okay, he'll finish four hours ahead of me, but we'll start together!

I'm hoping to continue our little walks when this break is over. The walks aren't doing a lot for my Nike+ status, but they are doing a lot for my relationships with my kids! Happy walking y'all!

Fearing the end of a good thing

I'm pretty sure everyone has fears. I know Colin fears bugs and the dark. Stephen fears needles. My husband fears snakes. Zeke fears getting hit. Josie fears rats. Elijah fears the EKG. These seem like rational fears that you can deal with.

I on the other hand, have a fear I don't really know what to do with. Lately my Imitrex has been causing the back of my throat to swell. Im left asking why my good old friend Imitrex would want to leave me in the lurch! I'm paralyzed about a course of action to take if I can't take a tripitan for migraine relief. It's a medication that allows me to return to my life, but an allergic reaction that can kill me is probably not a good option! I take a preventive, keep a schedule, and eat a pretty limited diet in an effort to keep my migraines to under twenty a month.

There hasn't been a new medication not in the tripitan family developed for migraine relief in the last twenty years. I'm thankful that I live in a time where such medication is available, but the fear of not being able to take it is very real.

Imitrex is one of my best friends. It allows me to have ten more quality days a month (after a thirty minute battle to tame the tiger that migraine can be)! It's been a fantastic relationship this last year, but I fear it may come to an end if Imitrex keeps effecting my throat/breathing.

Too Tired

I'm TIRED! Really, really tired and I'm tired of being tired! I'm on vacation and had some pretty big plans to clean the house, plant the garden, run/walk everyday, bake and cook fantastic meals! Unfortunately my body has other ideas. It's tired and refuses to keep up with the large list of to do's I made for the vacation!

It's not for lack of trying to stop being tired on my part. Really, I've taken some pretty drastic measures to feel awake! I've tried pumping it full of caffeine and sugar! Yes, direct sugar! Brown sugar to be exact, and I'm proud to say I ate a whole table spoon of brown sugar, chased with a coke and still wanted a nap! Did I forget to mention I had 8 hours uninterrupted sleep the night before? Well, since that hasn't happened since I had kids I was kinda hoping for a little more oomph, but still felt like I could of slept for another 8 hours! I went for a walk tonight and took the kids with me to ensure I'd keep my eyes open while I stumbled along the side walk! There attempts of witty conversation were valiant and loud, but when I saw the baby pass by asleep, I knew that's what I really wanted to be doing!

I'm not really use to being tired, or at least not this tired for this long! A friend of mine told me vacation is for resting and my body has the right idea! My mom told me its probably my thyroid (because I really need another medical problem) and I should use this time to see the doctor. My darling husband has let me sleep in everyday this week so I might not feel so tired. These are all great suggestions/advice but I'm getting tired just trying to figure out why I'm tired. If I'm still tired tomorrow, I think I just might dress up like sleeping beauty and wait for Prince Charming to arrive with a caffeine drip!

Educators not Babysitters

I’ve been trying to stay out of the political fray this election season.  I teach social studies so I do keep abreast of what is going on politically so I can answer students questions and make them think about the issues intelligently. On Friday, when one of my students asked why don’t we strike so they could have a week off from school, I knew I had to dig deeper into the Chicago teachers’ strike.  I have been watching the Chicago teachers’ strike with great interest over the last couple days.  Tonight, though the Chicago teachers' strike made me jump out of my chair when I heard the news caster say, “There will be no school Monday and parents are now left seeking care for their kids.” Umm excuse me, since when were public school teachers responsible for providing “care” for children. The implication was that public schools existinence is to provide care for working parents. Really, I don't think that's what I spent eight years in college for- BABYSITTING?  I didn't know that was a major offered in most colleges! I’m not a babysitter and if the evening news feels like public schools are free, government funded child care centers then it’s time to disband the notion of public schools in the US.

I’ve been teaching for the last 16 years and for the last five have not received a pay raise.  I respect that the teachers in Chicago were willing to strike in order to get what they thought was fair for the job that they do, but when I heard that the average salary for Chicago teachers was 70,000 a year I became a little jealous.  I was shocked that the strike was in part for a 4% a year cost of living raise.  I make 68,000 a year, but I have a doctorate degree, a department chair position and a coaching stipend. I would not be considered an average teacher by any stretch of the imagination.  At this point I’d be happy if I got paid for the years of experience I have (teachers in my county have been frozen at the years of experience they had five years ago), but instead I pay more for retirement, more for health insurance and more for dental insurance.  The prices for such benefits have increased each year and the benefits have decreased.   This is the first year that my pay has not been cut by furlough days and I'm very thankful for that!

It would be nice if the national news media would use this teacher strike in Chicago to refocus the conversation on education and teachers all over the nation who have not seen pay raises in the last five years. It would be nice if we took the opportunity to show how many school systems struggle every year to find money to keep the doors open and the masses educated.  Perhaps a focus on all the teachers, who despite pay cuts, still show up to work every day and dig into their limited pockets to provide materials for students who don’t have what they need.  Perhaps a new focus on all the things that are right in public education, all the kids that go to college and are inspired by a teacher to reach their dreams!

So to the newscaster this evening, I’m not a babysitter!  I don’t provide care to children! I provide passion, perseverance and education to students so they can take care of themselves!  I provide an example to students that with hard work you can do great things and give back your community!  I provide an adult person that mentors, and encourages young people to reach for their dreams with hard work!  I am and EDUCATOR, not a babysitter!