Temporary Failure to Run

I'm supposed to be running a half marathon tomorrow, in Maine where lots of people I know will be running. I will not be attending do to financial, time management and health reasons that did not allow me to prepare adequately to run. This is the first time I registered for a race and was not ready, or able to run, and it causes me great distress.

I'm big about doing what you say you're going to do, and I've been known to uphold that principal to the point that I'm sick. It's hard to make peace with not completing a race for the following very lame reasons:
1. I could not make my volleyball schedule and running schedule work!
2. Due to Elijah's braces, broken hot water heater and car tags we really couldn't afford the air fair to get to Maine. (I could of drove but gas and toll money to get to Maine wouldn't be much cheaper than air travel!)
3. My migraines and internal clock are not cooperating with running in the morning or the evening after practice!

Those are my lame reasons. Upon reflection I know I might have been able to adjust the volleyball schedule to accommodate my running (which gives my husband another reason why I should stop coaching, and yes that has been a yearly argument for the last ten years). There wasn't much I could of done about the money issues (trust me we run a pretty tight budget around these parts and I still haven't saved enough to buy that money tree). The most frustrating of all the reasons, the one that no matter how hard I try to control and overcome, there are times I just can't! My body is my best weapon and my worst enemy! My will and want to run are strong, but the vertigo, the auras, the sensitivity to sound, light and smells and the head pain are stronger. It's frustrating and sad all at the same time.

Failing to run a race, while frustrating and depressing, has forced me to evaluate how running effects my overall existence. Why am I running? I don't need to lose weight. I don't have any running buddies to hold me accountable (I'm working on this one so, let me know if you'd like to step up). I don't need another tee shirt. Why do I run? The reason I'm running (okay running and walking) is for times like now when I can't run. I have run three 5k's, two 10k's and two half marathons since I started running a year or so ago. This year I have logged 355.8 miles and there's three more months left (hello 400?)! That's 355.8 miles more than the previous year! So, volleyball is almost over and the weather is getting cooler (and I have large quantities of cold weather running gear) and you know what? I'm getting ready to tackle the next race and let this race's failure be only temporary!