Father's Day

It's Father's day and Facebook and Twitter have homages galore to dads. There are also shout outs to single moms who are attempting to be mom and dad and this is interesting to me as I have been a child of a single mom and for a brief time I was a single mom and did not find that my mom, or myself could do both rolls.

I had a great father and although he passed when I was ten, he left his mark on me. He was not a perfect man. My dad had a short temper, he was overly neat, and was a task master. He was also a family man who was dedicated to his girls. I treasure the time and lessons that he was able to share with me. His absence in my life has had a profound effect that even a mother's love couldn't fill!

My mother never tried to take up my dad's responsibilities. I think she knew she couldn't fill his shoes. Besides, she had her own shoes to fill. When I contemplated divorcing my first husband,  I worried about the own void my children could feel with the absence of their father. There was a strong need to try to be both mom and dad to the kids, as their father chose not to have frequent contact with the kids. For the first couple of years, I struggled to process why the x didn't want more involvement with the kids and how much involvement I really wanted him to have with the kids. It was an interesting place to live.

At some point, a therapist looked at me and said, "You can't be mom and dad! Your kids will make their own conclusion and relationships with their dad. You just need to be supportive and encourage your children to take opportunities to bond with their father." It was good advice. It has brought peace and understanding to me. The therapist was right. The older kids have their own thoughts about their biological father. They instinctively filled in their father's absence with their step father and other male figures in their lives.

Father's Day is a nice day to recognize the male influence in your life (no matter who provides it). While I know I can't be mom and dad, I hope I have taught my kids to appreciate and be thankful for the men in their lives.