Tired of it All

Usually I just suffer through migraine attacks without too much complaint. Other than having to tell the kids to be quiet,  I manage to hold down a job and keep things running around here. The maxalt I took during an attack allowed me to function without too many side effects, that was until I became allergic to it this week. Another $65.00 copay and $40.00 in prescriptions later I feel horrible laying down in a dark room! I'm tired of migraines! I've had enough of them and all the things they entail!

I'm tired of the drugs that don't work. The new med-toradel did nothing for the migraine. The fact that I know have to take a stomach med and watch for rectal bleeding because of the toradel and aleve I take for the migraines makes me nervous. The living in a haze side effects of the seizure med and the toradel diminish the quality of my life to such an extent, I wonder if it would be better to just suffer through until I pass out from the pain! I'm tired of paying money I really don't have, on meds that don't work, only to be told that there are more expensive meds that I'll be injecting into myself. Yes, that's right folks, if the toradel doesn't work there are no more pills to take, just injections. I would prefer to not look like a junkie, or have to carry needles around everywhere with me!

I'm tired of holding my breath at the faintest hint of perfume, body odor, mold and cleaning products. I'm tired of having to read the label of everything I eat to check for possible migraine triggers. I'm tired of having to decide if my trigger load is low enough to eat one item on my bad for migraine list. I'm tired of logging the weather, my food and my migraine symptons and durations.  In fact, I'm tired of having to tell people I'm on a diet, that I can't drink alcohol of any kind, or about the evils of florescent lighting that drive me to wear my sun glasses inside.

I'm tired of being jealous of people that don't battle migraines like I do! I'd like to be a normal person too! I'm tired of feeling like a burden to my family because they rarely get the best of me. I'm tired of missing time with my husband due to migraine, or the strict sleep schedule that needs to be maintained in an effort to reduce the frequency and intensity of migraines. I'm tired of being afraid to plan activities because the weather channel says its going to rain. I'm tired of worrying if today I'll have the intellectual capacity to be a wife, mother and productive member of society! I'm tired of being in constant pain and feeling guilty that I don't get to share me with the people I love because of the pain.

Most of all I'm tired of how pathetic it sounds to be so tired of living with migraines! I frequently have people remind me there are worse things to have. I'm sure there are, but that doesn't make me want to flip them off any less when they say it! Most people don't understand that its not a simple headache. Even people with episodic migraines have a hard time believing that in three years I have only had 102 migraine free days. The longest stretch without a migraine was 20 days. That's truly pathetic! I'm tired of the lack of research for a condition that effects millions and most of all I'm tired of being a person living with migraines!

There Back

Migraine, migraine go away my Lili is having a birthday today! For almost two weeks I've been battling my migraines and it sucks! I was hoping they had left after only having three last month, but no such lyck! Some of the problem maybe days like today.I drove a total of six hours to and from my new job, planned professional learning, partially dealt with my broken car, and a few other minor issues as the day progressed. To say I don't have time to be laying in bed, in the dark with my head packed in ice is an understatement! It also didn't help to have another allergic reaction to my abortive med and because the doctor left early I'm told to take nothing and suffer until the first available appointment (which is Friday)!

Did I mention I started a new job too? In South Georgia I'm not sure how up to date they are with migraine treatment. Today I had to explain florescent lighting really isn't my thing and while I'm usually pretty cool, I'm pretty sure the new assistant principal should not be wearing her sunglasses inside! One of the secertaries noticed I brought a lamp for my desk and I was essentially working in the dark, so she brought me a floor lamp for the office when I explained to her what was going on with my head. Sweetest thing ever! Lunch brought a new set of woes. Explaining to new people that I'm on a strict diet and under no circumstances can I eat Chinese food and a host of other things most people put in their mouths daily is always a fun way to spend a lunch time.

My new school seems to be handling this migraine thing pretty well. Everyone is pretty accommodating and very interested in my treatment plan. Now if I could get some new meds asap so I could celebrate my boy's birthday that would be AWESOME!

The Smell

I spent today at a fabulous conference.  I was learning a lot, meeting interesting people and generally having a good time. I was having a good time until I was stuck in a medium sized banquet room with a lady who had on enough perfume for six French whores! No matter where I moved I could not escape the odor of flower toliet water, which meant my overly sensitive neurons processed a migraine in rapid time. Not a "Hey, I'll be arriving shortly, you might want to take something migraine! " but a "WTH were you thinking slam,bam, thank you ma'm migraine!" Complete with drooping face and other stroke like symptoms. Great fun when your in Atlanta with a couple thousand people you don't know.

Since leaving the room with my droopy face, impaired vision and poor motor control really wasn't an option, I took four of whatever pain killer I had handy and chased it with a coke that a nice football coach handed me when he moved to the back corner to escape the fumes, opps I mean perfume. I offered my pain killer to the coach in appreciation of the coke which he thanked me for. After the hour presentation and the Aleve kicking in some we left the room together discussing migraine triggers. Who knew you could find another migraine suffer at a conference because of someone choosing to bathe in perfume?

He was a very nice man, but I was interested in how he spotted me in the back and knew that I would benefit from a coke. His response? "I watched you move three times before you got to the back and figured you were either the most indecisive person in the world, or I wasn't the only person whose head was pounding from that God awful smell! Besides, my mom always does that rub the sides of her head thing when a migraine hits. She always had me bring her some aspirin and a coke when she got a headache.  Your pocketbook looked too big not to have some aspirin so I took a chance!"

What can I say but thank God for carrying a large pocketbook and a mom who trained her son well!

Pre Peachtree

It's the night before the Peachtree and rain is in the forecast.  My gears laid out, my MARTA pass bought, and my number affixed to my belt. My official start time is 8:18, and the elites will be done before I start, but there are no worries or fears because there will be people ahead of me and people behind me! 60, 000 runners will come together for a 6.2 course and the celebration of being free to run on the streets of Atlanta!

I'll be up at 4am, on the train by six and at the start by seven (yes that's am). I'll run walk 6.2 miles, pick up the coveted race tee, and head home for a red white and blue cake for breakfast. I'll finish the afternoon with a nap, wake up to make fried chicken and mac and cheese then watch the Pops on PBS. Not a bad way to spend a day where we celebrate our great country and the freedoms we have!

(A big thank you to my supportive husband who will be looking for a dry spot to take a nap while I'm running!)

Happy Fourth!

Facebook Faux Pas

Let me start by saying that I know my husband loves me, but courtesy of Facebook my allusion that he only had eyes for me has been shattered. Before this age of instant communication and global connection, there wasn't a record of every stupid thing you said or looked at. With Facebook and similar networking sites there is a record of deeds documented for all the world to see and if you're friends with your spouse (which I think you should be) you see them too!

So, my husband commented on another woman's Facebook page about liking her new haircut.  I know this is soooo high school, but when it showed up on my newsfeed that he liked her long hair my feelings were hurt. I don't know this woman, she's not a mutual friend but a video game blogger who probably has a lot more in common with him then I do. The only video game I play is Candy Crush and I fail to understand the draw to rpg/mmo, or whatever the hell they call those create a character and go on quest games with people you don't know.

If this had happened in real life, I (a) would not have been present to know he'd made such a comment or (b) been present and given him "the look" where he would of responded with one of two things: I'm beautiful or I'm the only one for him. Both go a long way in soothing ruffled feathers, but Facebook doesn't allow for such interactions so I got my feathers ruffled. This would be a Facebook faux pas that I'm positive my husband will roll his eyes and tell me I'm being ridiculous,  which is probably true.

I could unfriend my husband on Facebook so I didn't need to see such posts. I could spend the next two years growing out my hair since he "liked" long hair in his comment but tells me he likes mine short. I could learn to play whatever video game he's playing but realistically that would probably take another five years to learn and I can think of about a hundred other things I'd rather learn! What will happen is I'll tell my husband it hurt my feelings for no real good reason, workout and go on a diet to address my own insecurities and shop for a new outfit that I can post onto Facebook so my dear husband can comment away in a wife appoved way!

Stop Pissing on the Parade

I wish people would stop pissing on my parade!  I use the word pissing because you can still have a parade in the rain, maybe not as much fun as having a parade on a sunny day but you can enjoy splashing in the puddles. No body likes getting pissed on, especially if you're trying to have a parade! Pissing on a parade is when you're incessant on being negative no matter what! Post allergic reaction day I have little tolerance with pissers!

Today's parade started with a call to the doctor.  Let's start with the doctor deciding to ditch all my meds due to the allergic reaction and the strong suggestion that I complete a migraine detox diet. When she asked about magenisum, I told her I haven't been taking it which resulted in a lecture on the importance of diet and migraine triggers, and a book I should read about migraine (like I haven't read enough already).Besides, she said the diet could cause me to lose a little weight and who doesn't want to lose some weight! What a pisser thing to say!

I went to the book store next to get the book where the suggested diet is located. I swear its a racket. Pretty sure the doc will get a kickback from my purchase. As the clerk was looking for the book an older lady, holding a Glen Beck book and searching for a book on poetry decided to give me her ten dollars worth on migraine. I hate poetry so I should of known this was about to get ugly. The poetry had to be a sign! The lady just asked me if I had migraines and then went on a lecture with me and the clerk about how nothing works for migraines. The older lady told me point blank not to waste my money on the book and that I should be on a vegetarian gluten free diet! Swear to God she pissed on my parade for a good ten minutes! The clerk apologized but any positive attitude I might have had was rapidly being depleted.

The book isn't that bad, the diet well its a pisser too! Really not sure what I'm going to eat? The no caffine thing and no chocolate thing could just get ugly...fast!

The last pisser on my parade today was my loving husband. Before my dear husband left for work he had to piss on today's parade too so, I guess I should of scheduled my parade for a different day! My husband pisding on my parade was troubling because he's always been a big fan of anything I do, but apparently my knitting was cause to piss on today's parade. He took exception to the fact that I'm knitting scarfs when we live in Georgia! Really? What does my knitting scarfs in 90 degree hurt? I'm just preparing for global warming and fall fashion trends. Besides, I only know one stitch and can't knit truely useful items like sweaters and socks! That's a pisser too!

I guess I can try again tomorrow, but I hear its supposed to rain!

Hives Oh My

I have chronic migraine and until this weekend I was having a pretty good run. Three wonderful months where I averaged seven migraines a month. This sounds like a lot, but when your use to 25-30 days a month you praise Jesus and do a happy dance. I have been in treatment for about two years. I'm supposed to take a high risk seizure med as a preventive measure, Maxalt when I get a migraine and Aleve if I feel one coming on. On a bad day I'm looking at about 15 pills. I use to take Imetrex for the actual migraine attack but six months ago I was maxing out the dosage and developed an allergic reaction.

At first I didn't really think I was having an allergic reaction to the Imetrex. At a visit with the nero I asked if it was a possiblity for your throat to swell during a migraine attack. The doc went ballistic talking about how I could of died and should of gone straight to the emergency room. The fact I treated myself with some benadryl and called it a day was apparently the wrong choice. My meds were switched to Maxalt which is in the tripitan family but different than the Imetrex with the hope I didn't have another allergic reaction.

Fast foward to today and holy allergic reaction! I'm use to the swelling throat thing and I'm careful to take the Maxalt only in the prescence of others who can call 911 if I can't breathe. Apparently, hives take a little longer to appear. 15 minutes after the husband leaves for work if we're timing it.  At first I thought I might have a bug bite, but after careful searching there are no bug bites. I knew I was in trouble when my face, head, legs, back and arms started to itch. When I scratch you can see the hives but my nice running tan makes them hard to see in the darkened house (I'm still light sensitive from the migraine). I would take some Benadryl, but I can't find any in the house, of course! So, I'm sitting here itching, waiting for True Blood to come on and waiting for these hives to go away!