Tired of it All

Usually I just suffer through migraine attacks without too much complaint. Other than having to tell the kids to be quiet,  I manage to hold down a job and keep things running around here. The maxalt I took during an attack allowed me to function without too many side effects, that was until I became allergic to it this week. Another $65.00 copay and $40.00 in prescriptions later I feel horrible laying down in a dark room! I'm tired of migraines! I've had enough of them and all the things they entail!

I'm tired of the drugs that don't work. The new med-toradel did nothing for the migraine. The fact that I know have to take a stomach med and watch for rectal bleeding because of the toradel and aleve I take for the migraines makes me nervous. The living in a haze side effects of the seizure med and the toradel diminish the quality of my life to such an extent, I wonder if it would be better to just suffer through until I pass out from the pain! I'm tired of paying money I really don't have, on meds that don't work, only to be told that there are more expensive meds that I'll be injecting into myself. Yes, that's right folks, if the toradel doesn't work there are no more pills to take, just injections. I would prefer to not look like a junkie, or have to carry needles around everywhere with me!

I'm tired of holding my breath at the faintest hint of perfume, body odor, mold and cleaning products. I'm tired of having to read the label of everything I eat to check for possible migraine triggers. I'm tired of having to decide if my trigger load is low enough to eat one item on my bad for migraine list. I'm tired of logging the weather, my food and my migraine symptons and durations.  In fact, I'm tired of having to tell people I'm on a diet, that I can't drink alcohol of any kind, or about the evils of florescent lighting that drive me to wear my sun glasses inside.

I'm tired of being jealous of people that don't battle migraines like I do! I'd like to be a normal person too! I'm tired of feeling like a burden to my family because they rarely get the best of me. I'm tired of missing time with my husband due to migraine, or the strict sleep schedule that needs to be maintained in an effort to reduce the frequency and intensity of migraines. I'm tired of being afraid to plan activities because the weather channel says its going to rain. I'm tired of worrying if today I'll have the intellectual capacity to be a wife, mother and productive member of society! I'm tired of being in constant pain and feeling guilty that I don't get to share me with the people I love because of the pain.

Most of all I'm tired of how pathetic it sounds to be so tired of living with migraines! I frequently have people remind me there are worse things to have. I'm sure there are, but that doesn't make me want to flip them off any less when they say it! Most people don't understand that its not a simple headache. Even people with episodic migraines have a hard time believing that in three years I have only had 102 migraine free days. The longest stretch without a migraine was 20 days. That's truly pathetic! I'm tired of the lack of research for a condition that effects millions and most of all I'm tired of being a person living with migraines!