Temporary Failure to Run

I'm supposed to be running a half marathon tomorrow, in Maine where lots of people I know will be running. I will not be attending do to financial, time management and health reasons that did not allow me to prepare adequately to run. This is the first time I registered for a race and was not ready, or able to run, and it causes me great distress.

I'm big about doing what you say you're going to do, and I've been known to uphold that principal to the point that I'm sick. It's hard to make peace with not completing a race for the following very lame reasons:
1. I could not make my volleyball schedule and running schedule work!
2. Due to Elijah's braces, broken hot water heater and car tags we really couldn't afford the air fair to get to Maine. (I could of drove but gas and toll money to get to Maine wouldn't be much cheaper than air travel!)
3. My migraines and internal clock are not cooperating with running in the morning or the evening after practice!

Those are my lame reasons. Upon reflection I know I might have been able to adjust the volleyball schedule to accommodate my running (which gives my husband another reason why I should stop coaching, and yes that has been a yearly argument for the last ten years). There wasn't much I could of done about the money issues (trust me we run a pretty tight budget around these parts and I still haven't saved enough to buy that money tree). The most frustrating of all the reasons, the one that no matter how hard I try to control and overcome, there are times I just can't! My body is my best weapon and my worst enemy! My will and want to run are strong, but the vertigo, the auras, the sensitivity to sound, light and smells and the head pain are stronger. It's frustrating and sad all at the same time.

Failing to run a race, while frustrating and depressing, has forced me to evaluate how running effects my overall existence. Why am I running? I don't need to lose weight. I don't have any running buddies to hold me accountable (I'm working on this one so, let me know if you'd like to step up). I don't need another tee shirt. Why do I run? The reason I'm running (okay running and walking) is for times like now when I can't run. I have run three 5k's, two 10k's and two half marathons since I started running a year or so ago. This year I have logged 355.8 miles and there's three more months left (hello 400?)! That's 355.8 miles more than the previous year! So, volleyball is almost over and the weather is getting cooler (and I have large quantities of cold weather running gear) and you know what? I'm getting ready to tackle the next race and let this race's failure be only temporary!

Cool Mom?

I have "interesting" kids, all five of them and sitting in an elementary lunch room puts that in clear focus! You see yesterday Colin asked me to come to school for lunch and I usually do this with my husband. Who by the way, was cool for years because he stayed at home and all the other dads worked. Mom was, and still is, just a teacher and a coach which there are plenty of at a any school. Not winning any cool points there, but due to my competitive nature I'm trying to assess where my cool points are so I acquire the appropriate number to be a cool mom!

I'm cool at the high school (hey who isn't cool with a rhyme like that)! The fact that I run the concession stand, coach and willingly run after school in my spandex makes me pretty cool. As long as no one asks Stephen about why his mom runs after school, in spandex, while he's at wrestling, he thinks I'm pretty cool (at least as cool as a mom gets in high school)! I'm also pretty cool at lunch when he's snacking on my leftovers or some goody from the teacher's dining room!

Zeke tells his friends I'm cool because I cook, we'll I actually fry a lot and bake a lot when he's not with his dad! Since he's on some natural, gluten free, reduced sugar, crappy diet during the week, I'm super cool two to three days a week!

Josie, well being the only other girl in the house and the chief Josie chore enforcer makes me not so cool. I am super cool in the mornings when she "borrows" my clothes. Josie's told me I'm cool because I know the words to most of the songs on her IPod (Is now the time I tell her that because of the cloud we have the same songs? Maybe I'll keep that bit of cool to myself a little longer). Josie has informed me that only cool moms allow their daughters to make chocolate chip cookies from scratch in the seventh grade so I think I racked up major cool points there!

Elijah has written that I am a cool mom because I remind him to take his meds, get him up in the morning and make really good food! Major cool mom points if your kid thinks your cool when you nag and get them up in the morning for school! Of course I'll be saving that note for when he hits those teen years and finds such mom behavior not cool!

Colin thinks I'm cool because I run, make really good fried chicken and on those rare occasions that I eat lunch at school with him, I bring cookies or cup cakes! I've also been known to bring him a coke too (major cool points from the kid, but not so much from the teacher)!

So, if I tally it up I have to rake in the cool mom points. Multiplied by five I have to be a cool mom more than I'm not a cool mom, right? Of course a large amount of my cool points comes from my culinary comfort talents, but I have determined if cup cakes, cookies and fried chicken will rake in the cool mom points then I should probably get busy! I need to store up the points for fall yard work, wrestling, volleyball Christmas chorus concerts and report cards where I'll definitely not be earning mom cool points!

On a Walk

This week I've been going on a thirty minute walk with Josie, Elijah and Colin. Know what I've discovered? My kids talk a lot (okay that's not really a new discovery), but at least they're willing to share the details of their lives. I have heard about elementary drama on the playground, teachers who lose their cool and other people's naughty children (I'm sure there is a patent out there hearing about my naughty children's antics). Each child wants to talk about different things and when one is talking to me the other two talk to each other. It may be the only thirty minutes of the day that they get along and it was mighty nice of them to do it in public!

Josie likes to recap the day and will provide a critique of the bus ride, chorus and usually her science class. She'll also sing so it's a good opportunity for me to assess if all the money I'll be investing in chorus is worth it. Let's just say that 600 for the chorus trip to Disney may take a couple more walks!

Elijah likes to talk about the most recent story line of his comic. He'll ask me questions about what he's learning in class, "just to check if his teachers are telling the truth." He also informs me of his plans for the future. Apparently he's adopting 5 kids without a wife and plans on buying his mom the Victorian house up the street. What a great son!

Colin talks a mile a minute and he talks with his hands! He's very animated with everything he says and filled with questions. He also has boundless energy (I wish I could bottle it. I'm sure it would sell faster than any energy drink)! I've enjoyed watching the future of track on our walks as Colin hurdles cracks on the sidewalks and jumps off of every wall and curb. He conjures images of completing a marathon together in the years to come! Okay, he'll finish four hours ahead of me, but we'll start together!

I'm hoping to continue our little walks when this break is over. The walks aren't doing a lot for my Nike+ status, but they are doing a lot for my relationships with my kids! Happy walking y'all!

Fearing the end of a good thing

I'm pretty sure everyone has fears. I know Colin fears bugs and the dark. Stephen fears needles. My husband fears snakes. Zeke fears getting hit. Josie fears rats. Elijah fears the EKG. These seem like rational fears that you can deal with.

I on the other hand, have a fear I don't really know what to do with. Lately my Imitrex has been causing the back of my throat to swell. Im left asking why my good old friend Imitrex would want to leave me in the lurch! I'm paralyzed about a course of action to take if I can't take a tripitan for migraine relief. It's a medication that allows me to return to my life, but an allergic reaction that can kill me is probably not a good option! I take a preventive, keep a schedule, and eat a pretty limited diet in an effort to keep my migraines to under twenty a month.

There hasn't been a new medication not in the tripitan family developed for migraine relief in the last twenty years. I'm thankful that I live in a time where such medication is available, but the fear of not being able to take it is very real.

Imitrex is one of my best friends. It allows me to have ten more quality days a month (after a thirty minute battle to tame the tiger that migraine can be)! It's been a fantastic relationship this last year, but I fear it may come to an end if Imitrex keeps effecting my throat/breathing.

Too Tired

I'm TIRED! Really, really tired and I'm tired of being tired! I'm on vacation and had some pretty big plans to clean the house, plant the garden, run/walk everyday, bake and cook fantastic meals! Unfortunately my body has other ideas. It's tired and refuses to keep up with the large list of to do's I made for the vacation!

It's not for lack of trying to stop being tired on my part. Really, I've taken some pretty drastic measures to feel awake! I've tried pumping it full of caffeine and sugar! Yes, direct sugar! Brown sugar to be exact, and I'm proud to say I ate a whole table spoon of brown sugar, chased with a coke and still wanted a nap! Did I forget to mention I had 8 hours uninterrupted sleep the night before? Well, since that hasn't happened since I had kids I was kinda hoping for a little more oomph, but still felt like I could of slept for another 8 hours! I went for a walk tonight and took the kids with me to ensure I'd keep my eyes open while I stumbled along the side walk! There attempts of witty conversation were valiant and loud, but when I saw the baby pass by asleep, I knew that's what I really wanted to be doing!

I'm not really use to being tired, or at least not this tired for this long! A friend of mine told me vacation is for resting and my body has the right idea! My mom told me its probably my thyroid (because I really need another medical problem) and I should use this time to see the doctor. My darling husband has let me sleep in everyday this week so I might not feel so tired. These are all great suggestions/advice but I'm getting tired just trying to figure out why I'm tired. If I'm still tired tomorrow, I think I just might dress up like sleeping beauty and wait for Prince Charming to arrive with a caffeine drip!

Educators not Babysitters

I’ve been trying to stay out of the political fray this election season.  I teach social studies so I do keep abreast of what is going on politically so I can answer students questions and make them think about the issues intelligently. On Friday, when one of my students asked why don’t we strike so they could have a week off from school, I knew I had to dig deeper into the Chicago teachers’ strike.  I have been watching the Chicago teachers’ strike with great interest over the last couple days.  Tonight, though the Chicago teachers' strike made me jump out of my chair when I heard the news caster say, “There will be no school Monday and parents are now left seeking care for their kids.” Umm excuse me, since when were public school teachers responsible for providing “care” for children. The implication was that public schools existinence is to provide care for working parents. Really, I don't think that's what I spent eight years in college for- BABYSITTING?  I didn't know that was a major offered in most colleges! I’m not a babysitter and if the evening news feels like public schools are free, government funded child care centers then it’s time to disband the notion of public schools in the US.

I’ve been teaching for the last 16 years and for the last five have not received a pay raise.  I respect that the teachers in Chicago were willing to strike in order to get what they thought was fair for the job that they do, but when I heard that the average salary for Chicago teachers was 70,000 a year I became a little jealous.  I was shocked that the strike was in part for a 4% a year cost of living raise.  I make 68,000 a year, but I have a doctorate degree, a department chair position and a coaching stipend. I would not be considered an average teacher by any stretch of the imagination.  At this point I’d be happy if I got paid for the years of experience I have (teachers in my county have been frozen at the years of experience they had five years ago), but instead I pay more for retirement, more for health insurance and more for dental insurance.  The prices for such benefits have increased each year and the benefits have decreased.   This is the first year that my pay has not been cut by furlough days and I'm very thankful for that!

It would be nice if the national news media would use this teacher strike in Chicago to refocus the conversation on education and teachers all over the nation who have not seen pay raises in the last five years. It would be nice if we took the opportunity to show how many school systems struggle every year to find money to keep the doors open and the masses educated.  Perhaps a focus on all the teachers, who despite pay cuts, still show up to work every day and dig into their limited pockets to provide materials for students who don’t have what they need.  Perhaps a new focus on all the things that are right in public education, all the kids that go to college and are inspired by a teacher to reach their dreams!

So to the newscaster this evening, I’m not a babysitter!  I don’t provide care to children! I provide passion, perseverance and education to students so they can take care of themselves!  I provide an example to students that with hard work you can do great things and give back your community!  I provide an adult person that mentors, and encourages young people to reach for their dreams with hard work!  I am and EDUCATOR, not a babysitter!

Insurance Rant

I'm trying to stay out of politics this election season! I have both conservative and liberal friends and would like to keep both sets if at all possible, but the status of health insurance in this country is horrendous!

I'm a public school teacher, which use to be a good job, with good benefits, now, not so much! I'll over look the lack of materials, ever changing curriculums, increased class sizes and increased hours because we're here for the kids! I haven't got a pay raise in six years (and with furlough days, I've actually received substantial pay cuts). Those factors aren't what bothers me most, it's what I've received in regards to my ability to stay healthy to continue being there for the kids!

What I have received the last six years is an increase in my health insurance costs! By the way, I'm also tired of being told I should be happy to have a job with some benefits? Really? Why? If I didn't have a job/benefits I could get Medicare/Medicaid and not pay health insurance premiums for insurance that continuously charges me more for less coverage! Don't believe that's possible with the new Obama care? Well, you're wrong and if you have an existing condition you just might be dead wrong, unless you have some pretty deep pockets!

My insurance refused to pay for Elijah's EEG to confirm the type of seizures he had and refused to pay for both of our MRI's to confirm we did not have brain tumors (which run in my family)! Those three bills were 2000 a piece (the insurance company was nice enough to make sure the hospital and radiologist charged us the approved provider rate but did not apply the 6000 towards our 6000 family deductible). My daughter's broken arm insured out of pocket cost? Well that was 150 ER copay, 120 for X Rays, four 45.00 co pays and a 1000 hospital bill for using their facilities! None of which was applied to our deductibles.

If diagnostic tests and a relativity simple treatment doesn't get your panties in a ruffle, how about what insurance companies do with prescriptions? Twice I've been asked to change meds because the insurance company didn't find them medically necessary. Yes, I'm sure the nice lady in the cubicle isn't concerned about the quickest, most effective inhaler for when I don't breathe, because she's concerned about the cost to the company that's supported by my 350 a month that is directly taken from my check! How about some rationing? Anyone? I'm allowed 15 Imetrex a month despite the neurological team explaining to the patient advocate why I may need more! They're response? If I'm really in that much pain I can go to the ER (at 150.00 just to go, never mind the doctor bill of the attending). We had a similar argument over Elijah's Maxlat but they agreed to only charge us 50 for 12 tablets! Pretty nice of them, if they don't say so themselves!

Why this current rant? Well mostly in part because I was informed by email that my family coverage will go up from 350 to 450 a month! In the upcoming weeks I'll get online access to compare plans (which all charge 450 for full family). That's mighty nice of them. That's 450 if I and my husband agree to take a wellness test and physical. Possibly my kids this year might have to take the same test. Will our insurance premiums be reduced if we're healthy? Nope! I scored a 96 out of a 100 last year and what I got was a 100 dollar increase! So for all those on the right, the insurance/care system is broke and your politicians should help fix it! For all my friends on the left, Obamacare did not fix insurance/care systems and your politicians should fix it! Instead of arguing, how about both sides stop trying to be right and agree to fix healthcare and insurance! I'd like to be able to get the care I need, and the meds I need to lead a great life!

Thanks!

Honey What?

Just watched my first and last episode of TLC's Honey Boo Boo! Can you say that show is doo doo? I swear I just lost twenty IQ points in thirty minutes!

First, let's examine the show's inclination for promoting stereo types of Southern people! Most of us don't live that close to a train and don't have pigs that we keep in the house! I won't even go into the accents, and the subtitles, but since I brought it up TLC only gets about half of what they say correct with the subtitles! The majority of people in the South do not have babies before graduation, nor do they have ridiculous nick names such as the ones on this show!

Second, the lack of knowledge about basic biology and hygiene is appalling! I know the mon is morbidly obese, but your kids shouldn't point out to you that you need to wash under your folds of fat! The fact that you let your kid sleep in a play pen with a pig who carped in the play pen is just crazy! I'm sure the biology or health teacher that gets the daughters will be so impressed with their knowledge of "biscuits" and eating babies as a way to get pregnant!

Instead of paying for pageants and coaches for pageants, I suggest that a court appointed guardian supervises the Honey Boo Boo family's spending. The money would be better spent on education, gastric bypass, soap and education. Lots of education!!! Of course at 40-60 grand an episode, I'm sure TLC is already prepping for Honey Boo Boo moves to the country club. If I knew that the standards were so low, I would have pitched my family for a TLC show years ago! Maybe there's still time?

A Bad Day At Practice

Everyone has a bad day from time to time. When you have five kids, teach and coach your bad day, or their bad day is bound to rub off on someone. One of the reasons I'm partial to running is that a bad day/practice doesn't effect anyone but me. Alas, I'm not the athlete anymore, I'm the coach! I choose to coach a team sport, where everyone is highly dependent on each other to get a white ball over a net in three attempts! This poses a great deal of problems for a person with a streak of independence and self reliance, oh wait, that would be me!

Today was one of the days that my team had a bad practice. Not the worse practice we've had, but not the quality practice they're capable of and it doesn't help that it's the day before a big game! Some of the girls were snotty with each other, some were not thrilled with new assignments and some were just under the weather.

Some of the girls just didn't take practice as seriously as their teammates, or I would of liked. It frustrates me and I know for the girls who are serious it frustrates them. Back when I was an athlete, coaches had a lot more freedom with punishment, playing time and practice time. Times are different, kids are different and parents are different now. I know many coaches that don't bench athletes because they don't want to deal with the backlash and parent meetings that have to take place to justify a benching,or dismissal from a team. My coaches didn't fear that and the parents respected their decisions, or the athlete didn't play (or they made a really big donation to the program).

A bad day of practice highlights the ups and downs of life as a coach and life in general. The people you put faith in let you down (as evidenced by the chicken winging and trying to hit from your face shots I witnessed today). People you think should know better, don't (how many times have I told you chicken winging and face shots don't work and shouldn't you have picked that up after the first three times you shanked the ball into the net). Someone always surprises you in a positive way (demonstrating you understand rotational defense by not staying stationary or the timidest person on the team mastering a wicked kill shot and over hand serve). Most importantly there's always love and hope that tomorrow's going to be a better day (my athletes love their sport, their team and continue to hold onto the hope that they will be the team that takes down the undefeated team). I can't say that I enjoy a bad day at practice, but I'm hoping I get to enjoy a good day tomorrow!