It's a new school year and the time of year I spend educating students and teachers about migraine and seizures. Not only do I teach people with neurological impairments, I'm also a client, which means I can speak from first hand experience. This should make for a better educational experience for all involved, but most often not because people don't want the truth and nothing but the truth when it comes to chronic illness!
I have my normal speech I give my athletes and students about having chronic migraine. Such things as to why I don't turn the lights on (thank God for a room with a window this year), why I sometimes wear sunglasses inside, why the alarm in my phone goes off every four hours to take meds, why my face looks saggy sometimes and why my words come out funny sometimes are all major points of the speech! I answer questions about migraines and then the issue is pretty well over until I get a migraine at school, which is the second day of school.
Shortly after the newness of knowing someone who averages 15-20 migraines a month wears off, I start getting questions. Most questions come from coworkers, or other people being friendly, or people who just don't believe someone has debilitating headaches as much as I do and still stands upright! I get the "How do you feel question?" question, the "What's wrong question?" or the "How bad?" question. When people ask how I feel I struggle with the honesty in my response. Most people want to hear "fine," not all the details of which stage of the migraine I'm in. Too bad for them because I've done a lot of research on the stages of migraines and think I do a pretty good job explaining them!
The what's wrong question begs for the following response, "Thank you for asking what's wrong. I have chronic migraine with aura and spend 15-20 days of the month feeling pretty crappy! You got me on a good day, so hopefully your voice and smell have not caused me to become a hermit in a dark, noiseless and fragrance free cave!" Despite some processing weaknesses during migraine attacks, I'm pretty sure that I would not be winning any friends with that response so, I usually respond with "I'm fine" or "Just a headache!"
"How bad" is my favorite because that means the person gets it. They either have migraines, live with someone that has migraines or they are a neurologist. Since I don't travel in circles where large quantities of neurologists frequent, the other two types of people are my most frequent "how bad" discussion mates. We'll talk pain rating scales, MIDAS rating scales, various triggers (food, weather, hormones, lighting, noise or smells), previous preventatives, current preventatives, abortive therapies, diet and supplements. Enlightening conversation for anyone walking by, but I don't get many "how bad" questions from people who don't know me extremely well, and the people who know me extremely well don't ask because they know without asking that migraines suck!
So next time you ask me a question in regards to how I'm feeling, I'll try to remember my very best Emily Post manners, but please forgive me if you catch me on a migraine day and I respond with an honest answer, straight from the heart! Currently that would be six days in a month that I don't have a migraine so, good luck!
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