Tornado Warning

Spring has sprung and so have the spring storms. We usually watch the weather pass around us on the television,  but tonight the tornado warning went up and the wind started blowing a little side ways so, the kids and I headed to the basement. We have lived in our older home, surrounded by old oak trees for eight years. We have a storm cellar in the basement, but the basement has been "under construction" since we moved in! Going to the basement for a storm is a pretty big deal, but when the wind started blowing sideways, I ordered the kids to the basement!

Of course the tornado warning has to come as I'm getting supper ready!  Really!? Ten more minutes and we could of ate at the table, but mother nature moves at her own pace. I also had a five mile run on the treadmill planned,  but that's not going to happen tonight!

As I'm getting plates ready to take to the basement,  the kids started taking their valuables to the basement.  What did they bring? Blankets, stuffed animals, the dogs, the ipad, cell phones, a couple chairs, drawing supplies, running shoes, water, soda,  a Bible, their supper and ice cream sandwiches for dessert. Interesting combination of items and they were a little perturbed that I didn't bring a whole lot. What did I bring? My phone, my favorite blanket, a chair, a coke, my running shoes and supper. My most valuable things were already in the basement with me!

The treadmill became a supper table. We had a nice meal and good conversation. I'm thinking that we should have more tornado warnings.  After we clean up the basement of course!

My Battle With the Scale

When I was younger I never looked at the scale.  It was embarrassing to step on it not because I was fat, but because I wasn't.  I weighed 65 pounds well into middle school and never weighed more than 105 through freshman year of college.  When your friends are on the latest fad diet the last thing you want to draw attention to is you're not putting on any weight even eating a whole pizza a day. I never use to worry about my weight, but times are changing and the scale is once again something I don't want to deal step on!

Until recently, the only time I monitored my weight was when I was pregnant. At my heaviest I was 210 (pregnant with Zeke), the rest of the time my weight fluctuated between 125-135. I only know this because of doctors visits, but last year our insurance started mandating bmi and weight screenings. My bmi was fine but my weight was 140. I got a lecture and material on diet and exercise.  I wanted to cry. I didn't think I was fat, but my insurance company and doctor did! Suddenly the scale mattered and the more I stepped on it the heavier I got.

My current weight fluctuates between 145-155. I'm not really sure why and neither are the doctors. I have made some changes to my diet and intend to run more this year than last year. I have even contemplated giving up coke a cola, but my students and family have begged me not to! Funny how no one begs you not to get on a scale, but I think that's exactly what they should do! If other members of the house didn't need it I'd throw it out myself because it feels like the constant checking of my weight's ups and downs is the real ten pounds the insurance company says I need to lose!

It's a 10

Elijah had his first true "10" migraine yesterday. It was a little scary for everyone at the house.  Of course mom and dad were off getting mom's wallet that she left at work when the bad storms rolled in and Elijah's head went haywire.  We got the first call that something was wrong with Elijah 15 minutes from home. The second call two minutes from home!

All of the kids have been seizure and migraine trained.  They followed Elijah's plan. I spent two hours massaging his head, getting cold packs and adjusting the bio feedback app for Elijah. Did I mention we were also trying to get supper ready? The kids were great! All took turns watching Elijah when I had to do something with supper. They even turned on closed captioning so the noise from the tv wouldn't distrub Elijah!

There were moments where Elijah couldn't feel his legs and when he calmed down he would seize. His breathing, or lack there of was a little scary, but by 830pm Elijah has recovered and the rest of us were exhausted! Elijah had lots of questions about how bio feedback works and for all my mom comforting I was rewarded with 30 minutes of snuggles from my big boy Lili, who is not the snuggling type!

Fast forward to this morning,  and guess who hasn't been taking his seizure meds? Yes, Elijah has not and after I let into him for being irresponsible with his health I think he understands headaches like yesterday happen without medication!  It's not easy being a fourth grader who has to take meds, but its not easy being a parent of a fourth grader that has the issues Elijah has either! I want him to be independent and not limited by his epilepsy and migraines!  I want him to feel like he has some control and let him manage his medication, but yesterday makes me re think all that.

Can I wrap him in bubble wrap? Probably not and I doubt any of my kids would let me. Elijah's pride is a little hurt that I'm making him take his meds in front of me, instead of trusting that he took them, but he'll get over it. At some point he'll be able to go back to managing his own meds. He's been pretty good at it, but wanting to be "normal" got in the way. Soon he's bound to realize normal is over rated and that his health (or avoidance of migraines) is more important than what others think! I hope that he never has a 10 migraine again,  but if he does I hope he feels his family has earned a 10 in helping him get through the rough stuff!

I Don't Want to Talk About It

I have epilepsy and I don't really want to talk about it. I argued with the doctor at length that my involuntary muscle twitching had to have another root cause, but she finally told me there were a lot worse things to have. In fact, I'd like to ignore the fact I have it, but the damn thing keeps twitching so, recently I have had to explain what is going on to people who don't normally ask such questions. Kids are pretty observant too. They may miss the due date for the current project, but they sure do see my eye twitching or my hands.

It's probably pretty shocking that I don't want to talk about the disease that is such a big part of my family life. You want to talk about Elijah's seizures? Sure, all day. His seizures are easy to explain, are well controlled by medication and happen mostly in the mornings here at home. Want to talk about migraines? I can go on for days. Hey, want to discuss my bruised toe? I even have pictures....

Want to discuss adult onset of generalised epilepsy non specific? No? Me either but inquiring minds (and legitimatly caring people) want to know. Most people want to know if they can help, or if they hurt, or if I can drive, or if I'll do something really cool seizure wise. Here are the answers to these common questions. Thanks, but there isn't much you can do. The seizures (or twitching as we call it at home) doesn't hurt, its just annoying. I can drive as my alertness level is still present. The only cool thing I do seizure wise is... well nothing, but I got over being cool by the first week teaching.

I know I should wear an alert, but I'm not sure what to put on it. Generalized epilipsey doesn't seem very helpful to emergency staff. I know at some point I'll have to wear one.  I know there will be more questions the moment I put it Maybe by then I'll want to talk about it, but right now I' ll pass. Ask questions and I'll answer them, but I really don't have a lot to say. Really.

Observant Kids

I don't feel well today! The change of weather from Tampa to Georgia, and running a half marathon yesterday has wiped me out. I'm runny and snotty figuratively and literally. It was also our first day back to school from a week break so, getting out of bed this morning wasn't easy.

By the time I got home tonight my children observed that I wasn't up to par. As all normal children do when mom is sick, they keep a low profile,  but I don't have normal children.  After they graciously let me have a long bath, Elijah demonstrated his new career choice of massage therapist on my back and calves. (We'll rent him out as he's learning, but you better book early because he's a pro). Stephen and Colin found two running magazines and Josie is being quiet! They all agreed mom should go to bed and they set up my resting place with a box of tissues, my phone, and the magazines. They even put the seizure/migraine detector cat on the bed to monitor me.

Pretty cool kids to observe some of mom's favorite things. Of course its awful quiet out there so this could of been a distraction technique, but for now I'm going with the "I have produced wonderful, observant, caring kids" fantasy!  Hey, did I mention I'm running a fever? I'm sure after a Benadryl induced coma my normal children will reappear!

I Need To Do Better

I've been in a funk lately.  I've been re examining my life, waiting on medical test and just trying to survive.  Currently, work and spider solitare take up most of my time. I'm not depressed, but I'm not living life to the fullest. I have migraines and epilipsey that limit me some but, I need to do better!

I have attempted to get myself motivated for work, for running, for life in general, but just haven't arrived at the place where I'm fully engaged in anything I'm doing. I just feel like at 38, I should be doing something fantastic!  I'm not sure what that is and friends and co workers keep telling me I should be impressed with  the stuff I do and have done. I know not everyone has a great husband,  or kids, or a home,or a PhD,  or a job but what now? What about the between big events? How do you search for the next chapter when you're not sure you're finished with the first? I have lots of questions that I need better answers for.

Tomorrow we leave for Tampa. I'll be running a half marathon that I have not trained properly for. It could be a long four hour walk, but at least the sun will be out and I'll have plenty of time to figure out how I can do better. Wish me luck!

Not Suppose To Be Here

When I was 20 the doctors thought I had uterine cancer, but the ultra sound revealed twenty nasty cysts and one that blinked.  The blinking one was Stephen, my oldest.  The doctors were surprised because he wasn't supposed to be there. Apparently,  no one informed him of the medical improbability of coexistence with that many cysts,  or he just really wasn't listening; either way Stephen's conception and difficult birth story were just the beginning of our journey with Stephen.

I love my son, I love all my kids, but parenting Stephen has not been the easiest task in the world. He's a good kid, but stubbornly independent and takes his life journey at his own pace. Potty training, talking, reading and driving have all frustratingly come at his pace and not mine. The fact that Stephen doesn't do what he's supposed to do, or be where he's suppose to be isn't always a bad thing.

This weekend he wasn't supposed to be in the finals of the region wrestling tournament, but he was.  He's battling fatigue, a cold and maintenance of his weight. He's been sick for a month and no one expected him to wrestle well. Stephen (in typical Stephen fashion) apparently wasn't informed of his underdog status, or wasn't listening again, either way he finished second.  He moves onto sectionals as a two seed Friday.

Parenting Stephen has humbled me and humiliated me, but it has also strengthened me to allow his siblings to arrive at things in their own time. Sometimes, being where everyone else is isn't where you're supposed to be, and Stephen's performance this weekend just goes to show that good things can happen even if your not supposed to be there!