The above article link talks about the "myth" of the modern dad. The mythical modern dad is an equal parenting partner. He changes diapers, does feedings, attends school functions and regularly enjoys spending time with his children above all else. Earlier in the day I also I read an article from Rebecca Walker who was discussing the damage done to her by her famous author/feminist mother Alice Walker. The damage was caused by the feminist notion that children enslave women and do not allow women to reach fulfillment. Both articles brought me to a state of early Sunday morning reflection on my own life path.
I was raised in a quasi feminist house. I was also raised in a quasi traditional house. Upon my reflection on my own adult choices I see the influence of both schools of thought. My mother was a college educated teacher from the south and my father was a working class,union president from New England. For the first eight years of my life my mom stayed at home. She cooked, she cleaned, she knit, she did needle work. My father was a pipefitter. He got up early, went to work, ate supper, read us a story and went to bed. If I got sick in the middle of the night my dad came. If I needed something to eat my mom came.
I never thought of their roles as feminine or masculine. They naturally did what they did best. When I decided to build a tree house, play baseball or build an ice rink, my father participated and assisted with those activities. When I decided to bake, decorate a room or write a story, my mother participated and assisted with those activities. My parents participated and assisted my sister and I with activities based on what they were good at. My mom didn't enjoy outside activities and was not athletically inclined so she didn't do those activities with me. When my father got sick with lung cancer my mom went to work and my dad took over household duties. They were a team.
When my dad died my mom tried to have a career and family, but without my dad as her teammate some decidedly mascline chores fell to me. My mom also became more involved with her career the older we got. I doubt its a feminist move on her part but more a I miss my partner move.
Watching my parents and later my mother, I figured I could have a family and a fulfilling career. I can "have it all!" The trick wasn't having a feminist mentality that I didn't need a man, or that I can do anything a man can do. The tricks have been finding a husband/partner whose willing to help and pick up my slack, knowing when its time to put the job down and pick the family up, and knowing that investing a little back into me makes me an all around better person. I have made a choice to balance family and career. Is it easy? No, but I'd hate not working and having children has been a truly positive life changing experience. Both help define who I am and the balancing act to have it all is worth it.
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