I have been coaching since I was 15 and I'll be 40 in October. I am not the best coach. I am not the worst coach. I enjoy working with kids. I enjoy the sports I coach. Tonight was not a night I enjoyed. This is not going to be one of those uplifting stories about the great lessons being part of an athletic team can teach you. This is not going to be one of those stories where the athletes rise above adversity. It is going to be one of those stories that is more common than anyone is willing to admit. If you don't want to know how ugly it can get with youth sports stop reading now!
I coach a volleyball team this year. These girls have never touched a volleyball prior to this summer with the exception of one girl. My daughter is the one girl with any experience. She's the youngest on the team, and most days the only white girl on the team. She is a minority at our school. She knew she would be when she decided to come to school with me. That's right, she chose to come to a high minority, high poverty school because she wanted to be here. She believes in what the school stands for and will tell anyone who will listen how proud she is to go to our school. Her race has not been a problem until tonight.
We had a small crowd at the game. The girls were playing well in a close game. Everywhere we have been this season people have been positive and encouraging. The girls expected the same at home. I'm saddened to say that a few people in a small crowd ruined what had been such a positive experience for a great group of young ladies. As the girls are learning about volleyball, so is the community. I could chalk this up to a learning experience for all of us but, it's a ugly, harsh way to learn. Lack of education, poverty, or race is no excuse to holler at kids that they're awful. None of those factors are a reason to holler out a number of a child, on your own team, and say get her out of there. There is also never a reason to point at kids and make racial comments, but a few people did. The comments made to my daughter brought her to tears.
As her coach and as her mother, I really wanted to walk across the court and go beat the hell out of the people ruining this experience for my child and her teammates. I was able to tell Josie "pull yourself together. Your made of stronger stuff than that! Don't worry about what they say, you go home with me!
To be fair, my daughter wasn't the only one targeted. By the end of the second set I had two in tears and two ready to go across the court to fight grown folks. I did what I could by having the ad ask them to leave. That quited the rest of the crowd, but the damage was done. The team that gets praise from some of the best teams around for their sportsmanship, joy of playing, and positive team spirit did not enjoy winning the third set against a team that beat them just last week in three sets. The girls did not have a good time. One could not finish the game because she was so upset. The girls couldn't shake the negativity from a few people in their community.
Such things are not what youth sports are designed to teach! I'm not naive. I've been coaching for 20 years and heard some pretty ugly things hollered in MY general direction. When you holler ugly things to student athletes, to someone's child..... well that's a whole other story. I would have loved to take all the girls home with me last night and show them the love and respect they deserved on the court. As a coach, parent and educator, I felt the need to process with the next generation how to handle an ugly situation, when it happens by people who should know better, but sadly the rest of the girls weren't going home with me. I hope conversations were had, egos were smoothed and confidence was rebuilt in other homes last night even if all I could do was have only one of those conversations with only one child!
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