Rash Refocus

Hard to see but angry rash!

 I have found myself more and more being angry and frustrated with the condition of my life.  Perhaps because I am turning 40 in October, or perhaps because I just have too much on my plate that I'm not all that interested in eating.  Angry and frustrated sums up how I have been feeling for about a month!  There's the typical physical stuff that goes along with the Hashimoto's (fatigue, muscle aches, stomach issues, and clumps of hair falling out).  There's the typical stuff of being an assistant principal (unhappy parents, unhappy kids, and unhappy teachers).  There's the typical mom stuff (checking grades, chores, feedings, cleaning, transporting and suporting).  THERE'S TOO MUCH STUFF!

New haircut!

My body has not reacted well to there being all this stuff and frankly, I have done a very poor job of making sure that I'm taking care of myself.  I haven't run since school started.  My diet currently consists of processed food, take out and coke.  Last weekend, I went to the ER for stomach pains which turned out to be an UTI and stomach infection.  This weekend I am battling an angry rash on my feet and legs! Enough is enough!  I read on lots of blogs and lots of people tell me "You need to take care of yourself!"  You would think that someone with a PhD would know how to take care of themselves, but if I'm listening to my body, the answer is NO!  So, it's time to regroup and refocus!

Today, I went for a haircut and got my eyebrows waxed! Took a selfie to remember the style that will not be possible Sunday morning when I try to do it myself, but at least I was cute today!

Mini pumpkin pies!

I have made the decision to stop worrying about the scale!  I'm going to make a concentrated effort to eat real food and food I ENJOY!  Despite some caring co workers and friends who keep suggesting gluten free and paleo diets as a cure for what ails me, I'll be eating food that is not processed but tastey!  I will be baking and cooking whenever I can because it taste good and I enjoy doing it!  It also makes my house smell good! Don't you wish you could smell the pumpkin pies and homemade bread too?

Crafty!

I have also made the decision to work less at things I'm not enjoying!  I work like a dog most days, and go to bed exhausted!  Most days I feel I did not accomplish ANYTHING!  This is where a great deal of my anger and frustration comes from and that's about to change.  When I look around at school, there are plenty of students and grown ups not working like me.  They're not panic stricken about completing their TO DO LIST.  They're enjoying themselves and doing things that they like to do!  In an effort to be more like other people (more fun, less work), I did a craft.  I will be watching football!  I will be watching Blacklist and Outlander!  I'm even planning a long run tomorrow!

So, a rash all over my feet, the feet that keep me going from task to task has promoted me to refocus my time and energy more on things I find enjoyment in and less on working!

You Don't Go Home With Them

I have been coaching since I was 15 and I'll be 40 in October.  I am not the best coach. I am not the worst coach. I enjoy working with kids. I enjoy the sports I coach. Tonight was not a night I enjoyed. This is not going to be one of those uplifting stories about the great lessons being part of an athletic team can teach you. This is not going to be one of those stories where the athletes rise above adversity. It is going to be one of those stories that is more common than anyone is willing to admit. If you don't want to know how ugly it can get with youth sports stop reading now!

I coach a volleyball team this year.  These girls have never touched a volleyball prior to this summer with the exception of one girl. My daughter is the one girl with any experience.  She's the youngest on the team, and most days the only white girl on the team.  She is a minority at our school. She knew she would be when she decided to come to school with me. That's right, she chose to come to a high minority, high poverty school because she wanted to be here. She believes in what the school stands for and will tell anyone who will listen how proud she is to go to our school. Her race has not been a problem until tonight.

We had a small crowd at the game. The girls were playing well in a close game.  Everywhere we have been this season people have been positive and encouraging. The girls expected the same at home. I'm saddened to say that a few people in a small crowd ruined what had been such a positive experience for a great group of young ladies. As the girls are learning about volleyball, so is the community.  I could chalk this up to a learning experience for all of us but, it's a ugly, harsh way to learn. Lack of education, poverty, or race is no excuse to holler at kids that they're awful. None of those factors are a reason to holler out a number of a child, on your own team, and say get her out of there. There is also never a reason to point at kids and make racial comments,  but a few people did. The comments made to my daughter brought her to tears.

As her coach and as her mother, I really wanted to walk across the court and go beat the hell out of the people ruining this experience for my child and her teammates.   I was able to tell Josie "pull yourself together. Your made of stronger stuff than that! Don't worry about what they say, you go home with me!

To be fair, my daughter wasn't the only one targeted.  By the end of the second set I had two in tears and two ready to go across the court to fight grown folks. I did what I could by having the ad ask them to leave. That quited the rest of the crowd, but the damage was done. The team that gets praise from some of the best teams around for their sportsmanship,  joy of playing, and positive team spirit did not enjoy winning the third set against a team that beat them just last week in three sets.  The girls did not have a good time. One could not finish the game because she was so upset. The girls couldn't shake the negativity from a few people in their community.

Such things are not what youth sports are designed to teach! I'm not naive.  I've been coaching for 20 years and heard some pretty ugly things hollered in MY general direction. When you holler ugly things to student athletes, to someone's child..... well that's a whole other story. I would have loved to take all the girls home with me last night and show them the love and respect they deserved on the court. As a coach, parent and educator,  I felt the need to process with the next generation how to handle an ugly situation, when it happens by people who should know better, but sadly the rest of the girls weren't going home with me. I hope conversations were had, egos were smoothed and confidence was rebuilt in other homes last night even if all I could do was have only one of those conversations with only one child!

You Didn't Come With Instructions

Seizure accident on his bike! He recovered quickly and was on his bike the next day!

Yesterday the lovely office assistant forwarded a phone call to my office.  Luckily, I was looking for a student in our computer system and was in my office to take the call... from the Elijah's school nurse.  Usually I'm not in my office much so, this was just dumb luck that I was in my office to take the call.

This is Elijah's first year in middle school and he's decided to break in the school nurse and teachers quickly by having a two minute seizure in the middle of the hallway, during class change.  He was unconscious and couldn't feel his legs when he came to.  He also went down pretty hard and hit his head on the concrete.  Floor 1, Elijah 0 as indicated by the goose egg on his head.

Funny thing is I just met with his teachers the day before to review his 504 plan and his seizure plan.  Not sure his teachers really thought he needed either.  Apparently they really weren't paying attention because his math teacher told us that she "didn't know what to do and Elijah had not come with instructions!"  She was also confused that his medical alert only had conditions, medications and phone numbers on it...NO INSTRUCTIONS!  Probably why we had a meeting sweetheart, and while this was an unusually long seizure for Elijah, I would assume a person with a college degree and almost 20 years of teaching experience has had a kid or two with epilepsy.  If not she probably should of taken some notes during the meeting, or better yet, read his seizure plan.  Now I can't be all perturbed with the teacher.  While she let the kids in the hall surround him while he was unconscious (hello anyone had basic first aid at this school?), she did concoct a good cover story so Elijah didn't have to explain epilepsy to 100 sixth graders in the hall.  The story goes he fainted, fell, knocked himself unconscious on the floor and had to go home to make sure he didn't have a concussion.  The truth would have been a lot easier!

I'm not sure which children come with instructions pinned to their chest.  None of the kids I birthed, babysat or taught had such notes attached to them. I suppose you could tattoo instructions on a child, but I imagine child services would object.  Here are the instructions I'm tempted to pin to Elijah's chest when he goes back to school on Monday (if a 6th grader would let you do such a thing).

Epilepsy is pretty common.  If you have a brain, you can have a seizure and while watching a seizure can be scary please follow these instructions:
1. Turn him on his side.
2. Start timing (at 3 minutes call an ambulance and transport to ER)
3. Clear the area (he doesn't want people to watch him have a seizure and you wouldn't either)
4. When the seizure is done check for bumps and breaks
5. Only ask him yes or no questions, language is an advanced skill and his brain just had an electrical storm and isn't ready to engage you verbally.
6. Call parents
7. Let him nap until parent arrives, or he says he's ready to go back to class.
8. Breath! It's not his first seizure and it won't be his last.  He's embarrassed and worried that others will think he is not capable of being a fully functioning human being! Please don't add to these feelings, he feels bad enough right now.
9. If you feel the need to say something say "Welcome Back or Carry On".
10. He's a normal kid.  Give him a hug and let him be a normal kid!  No need to relive the experience, or limit his activities.  If it's not bothering him, don't let it bother you.  Sit back and watch what knowledge and resiliency can do!

A kid who happens to have epilepsy doing normal kid things!

He plays sports too!

He eats normal food!

You Should Thank Jesus

Yesterday was another day of doctors not knowing what's wrong with me, nor how to treat what's wrong with me. Currently,  my blood pressure and heart rate are too low. The chest pains and dizziness are also problematic. When I was discussing with someone what was wrong (after they asked why I went to the doctors) their response shocked and angered me. What could someone say that would cause shock and anger? "You should thank Jesus that you don't have cancer or something more serious!"  Which was followed by "You don't look sick. Are you sure? You're pretty athletic."

Many possible comments came to my brain. The following are things I wished I said:
1. Perhaps,  you should thank Jesus that I haven't knocked your head off your shoulders for being and idiot!
2. I'm sure Jesus has better things to do then give me an invisible illness to be thankful for.
3. Jesus made it possible for me not to look sick so I can practice patience for the mentally challenged.
4. I'm pretty sure Jesus didn't give me Hashimoto's, since it's an autoimmune disease, to test how thankful I am.
5. Are you really that gifted that you can put your foot in your mouth and talk out your ass?
6. In your world do athletes not get sick?

Any of these would be justified comments to a person who is insensitive to an illness they can't see.  I carry on with work, and parenting, and coaching despite not feeling well, in hopes I can fake it until I make it. Some days I make it through the day; some days I make it through a couple of hours. Just because my illness is not visible,  it doesn't make it any less to battle.  We'd all be in better shape if we remembered to treat each other with a little grace and mercy instead of righteous and judgements

So, what did I say to my Jesus friend? As an educator my first instinct was to attempt to educate them, but to be completely honest I just answered I thank Jesus everyday and carry on.