Its been a while since I've written a blog post. This is in part to school starting and in part to my Hashimoto's going all haywire. I've been on a roller coaster with my emotions, my energy and my weight. Get on the scale on Monday and it will say 164. Get on the scale Tuesday and it will say 155. Get on the scale Wednesday and it will say 160. No one loses and gains weight that fast unless they have a thyroid condition that is out of control. I hate looking fat and dumpy. I hate reaching for a pair of pants in the morning and not knowing if I'll be able to button them (even though I could the night before).
My energy level is all over the place too. I go from hyper to lethargic in the matter of hours, and not at times that those energy levels are needed. I have plenty of energy around 10 pm. At noon I need a nap. This weird energy pattern does not make me the life of the party, nor does it lend itself to getting things done. There is not enough caffeine to keep me awake when the tiredness hits. Even my pinky is heavy. When the hyper stage hits my heart feels like it's going to beat out of my chest. Not the most soothing feeling when your trying to go to sleep so you can wake up at 5am for work.
There have been daily bouts with nausea and vertigo. Periods of starving to death followed by not wanting to eat anything at all. There are days that it's 8 pm and I realize all I've had to eat was a pop tart I chocked down in the car on the way to work at 6am. This is all thyroid related. Mentally I know that but when you enjoy preparing and eating food the way I do, it's depressing to realize where my current relationship with food is.
Either due to the wacky thyroid, or the rehabbing ankle that hasn't allowed me to run for the last month I'm very irritable. Honesty, I've never had much patience for stupid people or lazy people, but I've always been able to tolerate such things. Not recently! There have been plenty of times in the last couple of weeks that I have gone to the bathroom to talk myself out of choking the bearer of one more task I don't have the energy for, or the off handed comment about how tight my pants look. I used to be able to let such things roll off, but lately I just want to slap the person in front of me. It also hasn't helped that my poor husband, who knows how to handle me when the world becomes too much, has himself been very busy at work and unavailable to talk me off the ledge.
To add insult to injury (or to just over load all my poor brain circuits) my hands have taken to swelling up. The people at work don't know how truly hard headed I can be. Most days I pass for a nice, upbeat, rational person. Imagine their surprise Friday when my finger swelled up so bad that I lost my wedding ring in the skin and I refused to let them cut it off. I'd lose my finger first before I'd allow anyone to cut my wedding ring off! The faces of the front off staff when I made that statement with my finger wrapped in an ice bag, before I attempted to pull said wedding ring off my finger, were shocked. I wanted to go cry and call my husband to come get me, but it was only 9am and there was testing to do and a football game to work, we'll you get the idea. I had to suck it up but looking down at my bruised ring finger during the day made me just want to cry some more.
My brain is everywhere, but I feel like I'm not going anywhere fast in getting this Hashimoto's in check. I'm stuck and my anchor is busy. Running, cooking and writing that help ground me and keep me moving forward are either off limits or require too much energy to complete. I guess there's some hope on the horizon. I go get blood work this week and go to the endocrinologist in a couple of weeks. I just want to get back to the me I'm familiar with and I'm sure those around me would too.
