Victoria's Secret Crazy

I hate going to Victoria's Ain't Got No Secrets, but they were having a sale and I needed some new undergarments. Really, who wears this stuff and who has money for this stuff? More importantly, I really don't want help shopping for my undergarments. As this week has been crazy already, I was hoping I could run in and buy a bra in peace! Of course nothing is that easy this week.

Please keep in mind that it is 20 degrees outside. I have on my winter jacket, wool pants, purple sneakers and due to the fuse blowing in my bathroom this morning, my hair is pulled back into a tiny pony tale. I assure you I am nothing special to look at in my present condition. Imagine my surprise when a young man came up to me and asked if I was one of the Angel's.  Really?! At first I thought he was working at Victoria's because he then asked if he could assist me in selecting my undergarments!  Then held up a pair of 14.50 thongs!

Why me!? Do I look like I wear those? I informed the "helpful" man that I was married with five kids and thongs really weren't my thing. Surprise,the man did not work there and really wasn't going away. I like comfortable and creepy man was making my shopping experience uncomfortable.  I am decidedly not one of Victoria's Angels because if I was someone would deliver these overpriced undergarments to my house where I wouldn't need to deal with creepy men! Creepy man then followed me over to the bras and tried to play guess my size. I'm not talking to this guy, hoping he'd go away, but again I can't catch a break this week. When I bent down to pick up a 36 D creepy guy gets really excited about my choice.  Then he has the nerve to say "Who would know that you were hiding all that under that coat!"

Okay that's enough! I grab my purchases and go up to the counter. When the lady asks if anyone helped me with my purchases I point to Mr. Creepy and said Boo Boo over there tried but he really couldn't handle it! Mr. Creepy then hollered back he likes feisty angels. At this point I just want to get the hell out of the store. The cashier then informed me that Mr. Creepy is a regular and tries those lines all the time. Hello, could you get him the hell out of the store? Can I get the hell out of the store? I did get a free tee shirt out of the experience but not without Mr. Creepy commenting that the shirt would look good on his floor.

Sorry Mr. Creepy it will be a cold day in hell before that happens!

10 Ways To Piss Your Mother Off Before 7am

Mondays are hard enough. Add a child and it gets harder. Add four and there is the potential for nuclear melt down! Before 7am my children banded together to push every button I have, before my coke and breakfast! Here are the ten ways my lovely children pissed me off before sunrise!

1. Don't wake up before 600am! Wake up time has been the same since you started school!  Why do you look so surprised when Monday arrives and your mother is shouting for you to get your butt out of bed? Why does your mother have to threaten to put her foot up your butt to get you out of the bed? Why? Just why?

2. Inform your mother that you got up in the middle of the night and threw up nasty spaghetti!  Yes Colin, we get it! You did not like last night's supper choice, but no one heard you throw up last night. Since you have never thrown up without waking up the entire house hollering for help with throwing up, your lying in an attempt to stay home is rejected! Your ass is going to school just like everyone else!

3. Cut a brownie the size of your head for breakfast! Colin if we believed you were sick last night, eating a brownie (which were supposed to be for lunches) the size of your head is not what's for breakfast. Only it was because Colin put his snotty nose on head sized brownie before I could make it a reasonable size, or snatch it from his hands and replace the brownie with something more breakfast oriented.

4. Tell your siblings their stupid and lazy! Yes Elijah the rest of the clan is lazy but not stupid! Engaging in a shouting match to prove that your siblings are stupid because they don't know all the power ranger episodes does not prove your point and it just distracts the rest of them from getting ready!

5. Try to act like the boss when your laying face down on the couch pretending to take a nap! Elijah get up and assist your brothers and sister with getting ready! Please!

6. Start fighting over whose wearing whose pants. Just put some pants on! He'll wear shorts! I don't care just get dressed and out to the bus!

7. Stand with the fridge open and state there is nothing for lunch! No, there is plenty for lunch, but it will require you getting a bag for the food, some bread and sandwich meat and make a sandwich! It's not rocket science it's a sandwhich!

8. Not have your FFA official dress ready to go prior to 630 departure time! Josie, not only were you asked 3000 times over the weekend if your official dress was clean and ready, you stated it was. This will be the third black skirt you lost since August and it's mine! Clean your room and we may find them in the pit of clothes that are spilling from what used to be a chair in your room!

9. Not be ready to leave at 630! No lunch, no track stuff,  can't find your books, need a pencil, can't find your purse!  WTH have you not mastered laying everything out the night before?  That's what you told us you were doing at midnight!  Apparently Josie had amnesia when morning hit because she couldn't find anything and we were late leaving, like thirty minutes late!

10. Blame/accuse your brothers of taking your black skirt and panty hose while your mother is trying to pull into traffic! I assure you Josie as strange as your brothers are, they do not wear women's clothing! Even if they did none of them would wear it in your size! Your attempt to justify the fact that you can't get your crap together caused us to have a fender bender.

BONUS
Pointing out that Daddy is going to be pissed and it is now our normal arrival time to school!  I assure you I'm pissed for both of us!

EXTRA BONUS and NUCLEAR MELT DOWN
Josie stating that's why she doesn't let me use the phone when I'm driving!

Fun times all before sunrise and caffeine!

The Coupon King is Born

This week's receipt!

Last week Elijah, who is 11, watched a marathon of Extreme Coupons.  That was a huge mistake because after the marathon of coupons and stockpiles, Elijah went grocery shopping with me.  Elijah usually goes grocery shopping with me.  He likes to make the list, and then come home and organize everything.  Elijah has a little OCD streak so, if he's going grocery shopping there is a way the buggy has to be packed, unpacked and stored.  Ever watch an 11 year old tell a bagger their packing the cart wrong?  I have on several occasions.  "Soda goes on the bottom, not in the cart bagger person!"  The struggle is real people!

Last week's savings!

Last week Elijah was able to save $63.28 with the coupons that he found in the store.  It was a family record.  He was excited and the lady ringing us up was excited.  My husband was not only excited, but impressed enough to get him an official coupon binder and some more coupons.  Elijah ordered his sister to clean out her closet so he'd have a place to start his stockpile and she did it.  What the hell?  Where did I go wrong? Why is he so interested in doing this? Why do I have to be his wing man?  My idea of good grocery shopping is get in and get out as quickly as possible.  Ever go grocery shopping with a budding extreme couponer?  It is its own special hell. 
 

This week's savings!

THE MADNESS!!! MAKE IT STOP! STOP ENCOURAGING IT!  More episodes of Extreme Coupon.  A woman who's 8 months pregnant diving in a dumpster for coupon flyers, seems legit says the 11 year old Coupon King. No it seems like you have a problem and might want to consider medication.  With new binder in hand and several coupon flyers, Elijah (now known as the Coupon King) cut out coupons, made a list and uploaded on line coupons.  A plan of attack was made all before 11AM this morning.  Grocery shopping took two hours.  We were those people who had two buggies of groceries.  We were those people holding up the line.  We were those people who the check out lady rolled her eyes and sighed when the Coupon King pulled out his stack of coupons.  The bagger girl was enthralled with our little Coupon King.  She wanted to take a picture to show her economics teacher.  People were starting to lean over and gather.  The manager came over when the cashier started to struggle with the amount of coupons, looking agitated, until the bagger girl informed the crowd that it was not me engaging in this madness, but a cute little 11 year old boy.  The total kept rising and you could tell the Coupon King was getting nervous.  His goal was to beat last week's record.  If he could get to $100 in savings his dad promised him $25.00 and going out to eat (and yes he has a coupon for that too).  When the total savings got over $75.  even the cashier was starting to get excited.  The total reached $90.00 and people were impressed until the Coupon King informed the crowd that the cashier did not put is online coupons in.  With the press of some buttons the online coupons went in and the grand total of savings was $107.99.  The Coupon King was spelling his name for onlookers and people were clapping!

The unpacking begins!

Now we are home and the rest of the kids are impressed with the Coupon King's haul.  The Coupon King's subjects are putting away groceries and the Coupon King is basking in the glow of a successful trip to the grocery store.  The Coupon King's wing man has been asked to get some Sunday papers for future trips.  Too bad the Coupon King's mom has banned him from the grocery store next week!  If you see my son on an episode of Extreme
Coupon please know that I am not encouraging this madness, but he's having a great time and saving money so the rest of the family is!

Mississippi Blues Half Marathon

The Mississippi Blues Marathon is held in Jackson. It has been billed as a race you should do due to the swag and the guitar medal that finishers receive. I don't know if the nylon vest and the plastic harmonic are tops on my swag list, but they're alright. The cd of blues music is pretty cool but still, not enough swag to put this half marathon on my running bucket list. The field is about 3500 runners, over three (four if you count the kids race) races. The quarter note race is a 10k and it gets all the previously mentioned swag and a smaller medal.

Let's start with the things that need improvement.  The race expo is the smallest I've been to for a race of this size. Someone could of made a lot of money selling cold weather gear due to the unusual, unexpected freezing temperatures. The three clothing vendors were hawking their left over summer apparel, and one was selling only shoes and race nutrition. The marathon also ran out of shirts to buy for this year's race. Perhaps, an option when you register to order a shirt (which were pretty cool) would be a good idea. Next, the paper insert about the race was a huge disappointment. No map of the half or quarter note races. Turn by turn directions were provided for each race, but when we tried to drive the route a few of the roads were one ways and we ran the opposite way. There was information about the bar crawl after the race, but not any information included about other cool things to do in Jackson.  Chamber of Commerce needs to get on that because Jackson is a pretty cool little city! Lastly, the roads in Jackson are horrible. They could compete with any New England road in spring! I've never seen a Southern city with so many potholes and frost heaves as Jackson.  The packet pick up volunteers were warning out of towners about the potholes so, I anticipated that some of the larger ones would be marked, but they weren't.  On a side note, because this was a freakish polar vortex thing and not the norm, some warning signs through the water stations that ice is on the roads would have been helpful.  The water stops were slippery messes due to ice forming from the water cups.

Now all the good parts to this race. First, it's not expensive to register for. Second, the  volunteers and the community as a whole were wonderful!  Polite,  encouraging,  helpful,  the epitome of southern hospitality!  Third, this is the first race where water stations and Porta potties were close to every mile. I didn't even have to use the water I normally carry. There were also generous time limits for the races and the awards were later so more people could enjoy. Due to the extreme cold temperature (and it was frigid) I didn't get the full music experience,  but the band's that were there were excellent! Pizza (and beer but I don't drink) were plentiful at the finish line in a heated tent (not for vip's but for everyone). Lastly, the medal for this race is beautiful and huge.  No one could miss it on your neck or hanging on your wall!

Overall a great experience. A warning about the course, it's hilly, like rolling  hills hilly. There is no escape and no flat section. Being that I live in South Georgia,  where there are no hills, and not being fully trained up yet, I walked most of this race (as evidenced by my 3:34 finish time).

1 Month On Thyroid Meds

It has been one month since my new doctor prescribed synthroid to treat my Hashimoto's.  It's an attempt to shrink the growths on my thyroid and level out my blood work to a more normal level.  She did prescribe it with the warning that will take up to a month before I see any real results.  When you have been battling with your thyroid for almost a year and a half, one month really isn't a long time to wait to see results.  Unless, your tired of feeling tired all the time, gaining weight, dry skin, moody, losing hair and stomach issues, then a month seems like forever.

I have religiously woken up at 5:06 AM everyday and taken my pill with 6oz of water.  I wait an hour to eat which is what is recommended to get the full effect of the medication.  That means waiting to have my morning coke and supplements until we are ready to leave the house for school.  I forget to eat breakfast more than I remember to eat it with the new schedule. I have maintained my sleep schedule and tried to avoid foods that I'm sensitive to.

The results after one month?  Well, probably not the magic pill I had hoped it was going to be.  I have lost six pounds and the swelling/bloating in my joints and face has started to come down. My pants fit and I don't have to go through everything in my closet, every morning, to find something that doesn't make me look fat and bloated.  My hair is still falling out and my skin still requires copious amounts of lotion to not drive me nuts with dry, scaly, itchy skin.  My stomach issues have been hit or miss, but probably more hit than miss.  The week before my period was particularly rough emotionally, but it was a busy week with way too much going on.  Everyone was cranky so, I'm not sure if that is a side effect of the meds, or just a difficult time.  Towards the end of January blood will be drawn to check my levels and it could take up to 6 months for the growths to start shrinking (which will be checked in a year).

I'll keep you posted on my battle with Hashimoto's.  I have some plans for 2015 so stay tuned!

New Doctor Same Hashimoto's

Today was exhausting and financially draining. Today I went to a new endocrinologist.  A doctor close to home. I didn't really expect too much since previously I was seeing one of the highest ranked doctors in the Atlanta area, and he didn't do squat! At least the new doctor was a Mercer grad so, I felt I could safely assume she was educated. The new doctor was also a woman so, I was hoping that she would understand the demands of working and being a mom. Just in case she didn't, I brought the endless question asking Elijah for backup. Elijah also had an eye appointment later that day.

The new doctor was dressed how I would like to dress if I had the money and the energy to take that good care of myself. Nice watch,  classy jewelry and a manicure that was not done by an 11 year old boy, who asks a lot of questions. I have been told that this doctor has a thyroid condition herself. Looking at her you couldn't tell and that's what I want. We shook hands, made introductions and she told me she reviewed my previous records. There was the listening to my chest that all doctors do, and then she felt my thyroid. That was about it. I thought here we go again, slam bam, keep it moving and pay your copay. Elijah asked her if that was all she got paid to do? There wasn't a response back.

The doctor jotted some notes on her laptop and then informed me I needed a yearly ultrasound to assess and monitor the growths on my thyroid. I also needed updated blood work because the previous doctor didn't run the full panel that she likes to run. Unlike my previous endocrinologist,  I was taken immediately for an ultrasound and blood work was completed in the office. She explained that it would take a couple days for the blood work to come back, but they'd have the ultrasound results today. I figured 3 months later I'd find out the results, or get a phone call telling me I was good for another three months. The ultrasound was completed and I was shocked when the doctor came in to watch the ultrasound and reviewed it with me right there!

The verdict, the growth on my thyroid is 10% bigger than last year. When my blood work comes back she'll decide on a medication, and hopefully it will stop the growth, or shrink the growth, and throw my Hashimoto's into remission. Happy day!

Now that I was done with the doctor,  it was Elijah's turn. Elijah, under impressed with watching a thyroid ultrasound and that there was no hysteria with drawing my blood,  was eager to show his skills off to the eye doctor.  No child has ever epically failed an eye exam as bad as Elijah did today.  Second row of an eye chart anyone? He only started to complain last week so, I thought for once I was on top of things.

The eye doctor and Elijah debated about taking multi vitamins and then he said, "Dude,  you failed and your getting glasses!" "Cool!" Elijah responded. There were a couple questions about Elijah's sensitivity to light and computer work hours. Elijah responded, "like I'm 11, I don't get paid for computer work!" By the time we were done with all the fancy equipment,  fitting and lenses, 353.00 will allow Elijah to see clearly now that all my money is gone!

I'll Never Be A Good Band Parent

My white girl on the drum line!

Today was my first band competition as a band parent.  I am not designed to be a band mom.  A wrestling mom, a soccer mom, a volleyball mom and a track mom yes, but this band mom thing is probably not going to be something I'm good at!  I would have had a better chance at looking like a supportive parent, who was enjoying themselves at Zeke's math meet this morning (and I despise math)!  Please don't think I don't like the arts because that just isn't true.  I love music and I help sponsor the play for our school (which will be a musical this year). I've sat at many a chorus concert and many a band concert over my years as a teacher/parent. I enjoy hearing our band play, but this notion of competition band eludes me.

There were skimpy dance/flag girl outfits on too many girls that should not me wearing sequined spandex (it will only stretch so far).  There was heavy makeup and matching hair of same said girls, to which I can only comment that some parents must be paying a fortune in fake hair and spray tanning (I intended to do NEVER EVER do either).  I don't remember any of our drum majors in high school wearing go go boots with a skirt that barely covered their butt, and almost showed what type of undergarments said drum major was wearing on the band stand thingy. 

See, I don't even know the terminology associated with a band competition!  I thought that an excellent rating would be a good thing, but apparently anything less than a superior is BAD, VERY BAD!  I do like the fire baton thingies (which I was informed by a REAL band parent that they were not called fire baton thingies).  There is the potential for excitement with the fire batons.  Our band director said I would not be getting any fire baton thingies because I would be dangerous with such things. He says the same thing when I play with the drum sticks too, but they don't catch on fire when I play on the drums!  The closest I'm getting to fire anything is if I burn the cookies, or snacks, that I bring for the band kids, which is also apparently not done because band kids should eat out of the concession stand.  (OUR band kids seem to like the cookies so I'll continue to go against the grain with that one!) 

The number one reason I'll never be a good band parent is because band competitions seem to harbor a sexist and racists culture. and contradicting that culture is not well received.  I have little patience for such things in athletics, and in a gym with a couple 100 people I can be really loud about stupid racial or sexist comments made (especially to my kids).  Our band is very small (like 12 kids small, 15 kids small on a good day).  Instead of bigger bands being encouraging about our kids taking the field, they were laughing and talking.  The band that sat behind us today was particularly bad with their comments.  The flute girl behind me was particularly bad.  "Why are they even wasting our time with this band!  THEY'RE A BLACK BAND with one white girl in the band.  What is she doing there?  I think she plays the clarinet or something?"  Okay, at this point I was ready to turn around and slap the nasty flute player with one of those fire baton thingies, but I'm an assistant principal and people usually frown on such things.  Since none of her band chaperons thought to shut her up, (or at least move her away from our two fans (Elijah and I).  The flute player could of moved onto another topic, but she just couldn't let go of the white girl thing.  Keep in mind that I spent thirty minutes braiding Josie's hair for her band hat thing prior to our band taking the field so, I'm not sure what the flute girl was thinking with the comment that I couldn't ignore. "That white girl must be confused going to that school playing clarinet!" With all the southern charm I could manage I replied "Sweetheart, the white girl in OUR band is on the drum line!"  The flute girl then replied ""Well, she must be really confused because girls don't play on the drum line!"  Now, there were lots of things I could of said, and trust me the thought crossed my mind.  How did I respond (because we all know the girl who played hockey and baseball couldn't let that type of comment go)?  No honey, she's not confused, she talented!  Otherwise they'd have her play the flute!  Flute girl's response "That's RUDE!"  Then she finally moved!

So, you see I'll never be a good band parent!  Apparently, I'm RUDE!  I'm loud too so, just watch out at the next band competition.  If I'm a bad band parent, then I intend to be the very best BAD band parent there is.  I have like the next 8 years to practice because Elijah is auditioning for the drum line too!  Fire baton thingies and the betting of how much sequined spandex can stretch shouldn't be the only entertainment at a band competition!

Apparently my band kids don't get band competitions either!