Facebook Faux Pas

Let me start by saying that I know my husband loves me, but courtesy of Facebook my allusion that he only had eyes for me has been shattered. Before this age of instant communication and global connection, there wasn't a record of every stupid thing you said or looked at. With Facebook and similar networking sites there is a record of deeds documented for all the world to see and if you're friends with your spouse (which I think you should be) you see them too!

So, my husband commented on another woman's Facebook page about liking her new haircut.  I know this is soooo high school, but when it showed up on my newsfeed that he liked her long hair my feelings were hurt. I don't know this woman, she's not a mutual friend but a video game blogger who probably has a lot more in common with him then I do. The only video game I play is Candy Crush and I fail to understand the draw to rpg/mmo, or whatever the hell they call those create a character and go on quest games with people you don't know.

If this had happened in real life, I (a) would not have been present to know he'd made such a comment or (b) been present and given him "the look" where he would of responded with one of two things: I'm beautiful or I'm the only one for him. Both go a long way in soothing ruffled feathers, but Facebook doesn't allow for such interactions so I got my feathers ruffled. This would be a Facebook faux pas that I'm positive my husband will roll his eyes and tell me I'm being ridiculous,  which is probably true.

I could unfriend my husband on Facebook so I didn't need to see such posts. I could spend the next two years growing out my hair since he "liked" long hair in his comment but tells me he likes mine short. I could learn to play whatever video game he's playing but realistically that would probably take another five years to learn and I can think of about a hundred other things I'd rather learn! What will happen is I'll tell my husband it hurt my feelings for no real good reason, workout and go on a diet to address my own insecurities and shop for a new outfit that I can post onto Facebook so my dear husband can comment away in a wife appoved way!

Stop Pissing on the Parade

I wish people would stop pissing on my parade!  I use the word pissing because you can still have a parade in the rain, maybe not as much fun as having a parade on a sunny day but you can enjoy splashing in the puddles. No body likes getting pissed on, especially if you're trying to have a parade! Pissing on a parade is when you're incessant on being negative no matter what! Post allergic reaction day I have little tolerance with pissers!

Today's parade started with a call to the doctor.  Let's start with the doctor deciding to ditch all my meds due to the allergic reaction and the strong suggestion that I complete a migraine detox diet. When she asked about magenisum, I told her I haven't been taking it which resulted in a lecture on the importance of diet and migraine triggers, and a book I should read about migraine (like I haven't read enough already).Besides, she said the diet could cause me to lose a little weight and who doesn't want to lose some weight! What a pisser thing to say!

I went to the book store next to get the book where the suggested diet is located. I swear its a racket. Pretty sure the doc will get a kickback from my purchase. As the clerk was looking for the book an older lady, holding a Glen Beck book and searching for a book on poetry decided to give me her ten dollars worth on migraine. I hate poetry so I should of known this was about to get ugly. The poetry had to be a sign! The lady just asked me if I had migraines and then went on a lecture with me and the clerk about how nothing works for migraines. The older lady told me point blank not to waste my money on the book and that I should be on a vegetarian gluten free diet! Swear to God she pissed on my parade for a good ten minutes! The clerk apologized but any positive attitude I might have had was rapidly being depleted.

The book isn't that bad, the diet well its a pisser too! Really not sure what I'm going to eat? The no caffine thing and no chocolate thing could just get ugly...fast!

The last pisser on my parade today was my loving husband. Before my dear husband left for work he had to piss on today's parade too so, I guess I should of scheduled my parade for a different day! My husband pisding on my parade was troubling because he's always been a big fan of anything I do, but apparently my knitting was cause to piss on today's parade. He took exception to the fact that I'm knitting scarfs when we live in Georgia! Really? What does my knitting scarfs in 90 degree hurt? I'm just preparing for global warming and fall fashion trends. Besides, I only know one stitch and can't knit truely useful items like sweaters and socks! That's a pisser too!

I guess I can try again tomorrow, but I hear its supposed to rain!

Hives Oh My

I have chronic migraine and until this weekend I was having a pretty good run. Three wonderful months where I averaged seven migraines a month. This sounds like a lot, but when your use to 25-30 days a month you praise Jesus and do a happy dance. I have been in treatment for about two years. I'm supposed to take a high risk seizure med as a preventive measure, Maxalt when I get a migraine and Aleve if I feel one coming on. On a bad day I'm looking at about 15 pills. I use to take Imetrex for the actual migraine attack but six months ago I was maxing out the dosage and developed an allergic reaction.

At first I didn't really think I was having an allergic reaction to the Imetrex. At a visit with the nero I asked if it was a possiblity for your throat to swell during a migraine attack. The doc went ballistic talking about how I could of died and should of gone straight to the emergency room. The fact I treated myself with some benadryl and called it a day was apparently the wrong choice. My meds were switched to Maxalt which is in the tripitan family but different than the Imetrex with the hope I didn't have another allergic reaction.

Fast foward to today and holy allergic reaction! I'm use to the swelling throat thing and I'm careful to take the Maxalt only in the prescence of others who can call 911 if I can't breathe. Apparently, hives take a little longer to appear. 15 minutes after the husband leaves for work if we're timing it.  At first I thought I might have a bug bite, but after careful searching there are no bug bites. I knew I was in trouble when my face, head, legs, back and arms started to itch. When I scratch you can see the hives but my nice running tan makes them hard to see in the darkened house (I'm still light sensitive from the migraine). I would take some Benadryl, but I can't find any in the house, of course! So, I'm sitting here itching, waiting for True Blood to come on and waiting for these hives to go away!

The Child of Which We Don't Speak

Four years ago, Ezekiel (Zeke), my second born decided that he did not want to be a part of a big family and chose to live with his biological father.  His reasoning at the time was that he was tired of sharing his stuff and having to share attention.  His biological father also has a lot more money and a lot less kids so, the prospect of having some new cool stuff didn't hurt in a ten year old's decision making process at the time.  I did not handle the situation well when  Zeke told me that he wanted to go live with his dad.  I was neither supportive, or understanding of his decision.  I point blank told Zeke that he would be changing his relationship with me and the rest of his family forever and I thought it was a big mistake, but I let him make that decision.

Zeke lived with his dad for four years.  I figured that was where he would remain.  I picked him up every other weekend, called on important dates, had him two weeks in the summer, and scheduled birthday celebrations around his visitation.  Stephen the oldest called Zeke a traitor for leaving, Josie didn't mind, and Elijah and Colin gave him coolest brother around title because he always came home with cool stuff.  When people asked how many kids I had a still told them 5, but I thought I was being a little dishonest because Zeke didn't live with us.  His picture was on my desk and because he wasn't at my athletic or school events the students would ask if he really existed.

Fast forward to February of this year.  Zeke asked if he could come home to go to high school.  I was just as surprised when he asked to come back home as I was when he asked to go live with his dad.  Zeke tried to be diplomatic under my cross examination, but because he was not as familiar with my techniques he broke in five minutes.  His siblings were shocked that he didn't last very long under interrogation and I was a little shocked too.  Zeke disclosed that he was sad and lonely and that nobody really understood him at his dad's.  We spent an hour talking about how different life was now from when he left and he still wanted to come back home.  Part of me was happy and another part of me was mad.  The happy go lucky child I dropped off  four years ago was a sad, angry teenager who wanted to come back home.  I figured his father would say no Zeke couldn't come home, but he was more than willing to let Zeke come back home.  As the months got closer to Zeke permanently coming back home, more information was disclosed at what a mess Zeke really was.  Every visitation a new disclosure of a problem was made.  Some normal and some very serious.  Of course he was a mess and honestly I was mad that I was getting to play clean up, but unlike the irrational, emotional reaction I had four years ago when Zeke left, this time I handled it better (plus I have a whole summer to retrain and since we are moving everyone is in a state of change).

People are getting to meet the child of which we didn't speak of, including me and the rest of the family.  Zeke has arrived a virtual stranger to a strange land.  Spending a weekend here is no where near what it is like to live here everyday.  There have been growing pains.  Zeke is used to having his own space and being by himself.  That doesn't happen here unless your in the bathroom and even that is not a guarantee.  Everyone else in the house is well versed in seizures and migraine plans and Zeke is definitely not.  The utter fear he can get in his face when Elijah or I have a seizure would be comical if he wasn't so scared.  Zeke has yet to adopt the family motto of "have a seizure and carry on"!  Access to food has been interesting and he appears to enjoy the baking and home cooked meals that are not gluten free, or chosen based on healthy food status. Navigating the limited resources in a large family with siblings who are prone to physical retaliation has been a learning process for a otherwise smart kid.  Apparently living in a very affluent family did not teach Zeke how to defend himself and not to pick fights with the family brawlers (Elijah and Josie have both had turns at showing Zeke that size doesn't always matter).  My second son has lots of book sense, but were working on the common sense.  He's prone to over reacting, can be a real smart ass and is use to be sent to his room when he's difficult.  All things that don't happen around here because I'm the only one allowed to behave like that because I pay the bills! (Joking, but not too much).

We are trying to re-integrate Zeke into the family, which has required a lot of patience and explaining by everyone.  Elijah has reviewed seizure plans.  Colin has reviewed food and bedtime schedules.  Josie has reviewed chores and bathroom procedures.  There has been watching of shows where I let the younger kids explain how mom will react if Zeke engages in such behavior.  Zeke has been assigned chores and given his own room until we move.  Since it's summer, I've given the kids a little more access to electronics than during school, which gives Zeke hero status with his younger siblings. Zeke helped with the selection of the house and school choices were made considering his gifted academic status.  We are trying to make sure that Zeke feels like a member of the family before we move to a new town where he'll have no choice but to claim being part of this crazy clan. He'll have to learn to keep calm and Gagnon on! Besides, now that he's here full time, we speak about him all the time, so he might as well jump into the conversation!

Father's Day

It's Father's day and Facebook and Twitter have homages galore to dads. There are also shout outs to single moms who are attempting to be mom and dad and this is interesting to me as I have been a child of a single mom and for a brief time I was a single mom and did not find that my mom, or myself could do both rolls.

I had a great father and although he passed when I was ten, he left his mark on me. He was not a perfect man. My dad had a short temper, he was overly neat, and was a task master. He was also a family man who was dedicated to his girls. I treasure the time and lessons that he was able to share with me. His absence in my life has had a profound effect that even a mother's love couldn't fill!

My mother never tried to take up my dad's responsibilities. I think she knew she couldn't fill his shoes. Besides, she had her own shoes to fill. When I contemplated divorcing my first husband,  I worried about the own void my children could feel with the absence of their father. There was a strong need to try to be both mom and dad to the kids, as their father chose not to have frequent contact with the kids. For the first couple of years, I struggled to process why the x didn't want more involvement with the kids and how much involvement I really wanted him to have with the kids. It was an interesting place to live.

At some point, a therapist looked at me and said, "You can't be mom and dad! Your kids will make their own conclusion and relationships with their dad. You just need to be supportive and encourage your children to take opportunities to bond with their father." It was good advice. It has brought peace and understanding to me. The therapist was right. The older kids have their own thoughts about their biological father. They instinctively filled in their father's absence with their step father and other male figures in their lives.

Father's Day is a nice day to recognize the male influence in your life (no matter who provides it). While I know I can't be mom and dad, I hope I have taught my kids to appreciate and be thankful for the men in their lives.

My Little Girl Isn't Little Anymore

I have only one daughter and most days that's enough! I have never been big on pink and frilly, but Josie can be a nice change of pace from her testosterone enduced siblings. As she has grown up I have tried to keep the frilly girlie girl to a minimum,  but my little girl still likes zebra print and purple, and if I let her she would probably wear make up and ball gowns daily. Until recently, she has been fairly easy to raise! When dealing with Josie I trade rough and tough athletics for artsy diva. Its a nice change of pace usially.

The last year has been a year of growth for Josie. She turned 13 in April and informed me she wasn't a little girl anymore, but a full blown teenager. My husband rolled his eyes and told me to have fun. It is not fun, and to people who tell me it is you're lying, or your daughter was from another planet!

The daily drama of living with a teen girl is tiresome. 13 was not a fun age for me and it doesn't appear to be all that fun for Josie either. Explaining that you need to shave your arm pits was a talk I'd prefer not to ever have again as well as the pads versus tampons discussion that my husband told me to have fun with! We have also had our share of "I don't care what your friend ------(substitute has, is doing, is wearing or allowed to do) you're not conversations! The things her peers do, wear and are allowed to engage in make me look ancient and unreasonable many times to Josie! I have a feeling that will continue for a few more years!

It hasn't been all bad. I finally have someone to watch "Say Yes to the Dress" with as well as Bridezilla. These are in preparation for Josie's big day which I have been informed will be a VERY big day! Josie and I can now share most of our clothes. One of the pictures attached is Josie today, wearing my bikini from last year! She's definitely not a little girl anymore and the way the high school boys looked at her on the beach...well its good that she has 4 brothers, or my husband can have fun with that!

What's All The Fuss

I just finished reading an article about a professional football player from the Cowboys who adopted a daughter. Apparently,  there's been some backlash because the football player and his wife are black and the baby is white. I read some rather ignorant comments posted about the situation then clicked on the next link about the bi-racial cheerios commercial. Again,  there were some more ignorant comments. I had to go back and reread the article and watch the ad because, to be honest I really didn't see what the big fuss was for either because the color of a persons skin doesn't really factor into my concept of family.

For those of you who don't know, my youngest sister is black. Because my mom adopted her when I was 15 there were plenty of people who thought she was mine. We have even had people tell us we look alike. (As you can tell by the picture the chances of us being genetically related are not high). The comments that both of us have overheard over the last 22 years are not any less shocking than some I have read today.  Here's a sampling of the comments with my usual responses (my sister is the quiet one and is better at ignoring stupidity than I am, but I know she's had to respond to these too).

1. "You two aren't really related!"  - really because our birth certificates have the same mom and dad on them so, last time I looked if you have the same mom and dad you're related.

2. "There's no way a white family could teach a black child about their culture!" - and what culture are you specifically talking about?  We are American, she's American, we're all American! Plus we've taught her to read, and taken her on trips and watched Roots with her. We even have access to professors of African-American studies! If she has questions we've taught her to ask and seek answers and that includes more than her culture!

3. "Aren't you worried her birthmother will come back?" - she hasn't made an appearnce yet! Her birthmother picked our family because her and I were so much alike and she wanted her daughter to be loved and taken cared of. My sister has always known she was adopted, she knows who her birth parents are and if she ever wanted to find them we'd help her because thats what you do for family!

4. "There's no way that you'll be able to take care of her hair because white people don't understand ethnic hair!" - We can pay to take her to a salon for her hair, you'll always be ugly!

5. "At some point she'll resent that you took her away from her people and she'll have nothing to do with you!" - Who resents who here? Do you resent that a child has a safe,loving home, or are you resentful because your own ignorance and prejudice have prevented you from loving others!

As you can see from the picture my sissy is turning out okay despite having a white family. She's got a degree and a job in social work. She has a variety of friends both black and white. She's fairly well adjusted and I'm proud to have her as my sister (even if she's my mom's favorite)! My kids love their Auntie and don't think twice about what color she is.  Until today, I really didn't think the color of your skin dictated the live of your family, and you know what? I still don't! 

Stop your fussing!

We're Moving

Many of you that see me every day know that I will no longer be a special ed teacher.  I accepted a position as an assistant principal at a high school in Southwest Georgia.  Think Heat of the Night, Dukes of Hazards and add a chicken processing plant and that's where I'll be trying my hand at being an assistant principal.  I'm excited for the new opportunity and my husband is relieved that I'm finally putting seven years of education to work!  As my new adventure in education is three hours away, it has necessitated a move for the entire family.  While the office, lap top and pay raise were all cool. the rest of the family was a little less than impressed that we are going to be moving.  This is how it breaks down on the opinion to move:

Stephen: Senior year, as long as I get to wrestle, whatever (yes we are moving to a district where he can wrestle, but more on that later)

Zeke: Freshmen, doesn't care because it was all going to be new to him anyway!

Josie: Eighth grade is worried about possibly sharing a room, but willing to make new friends that don't take medication.

Elijah: Since we picked the house that he liked he's okay as long as the new school doesn't make a big deal about his seizures.

Colin: Looking forward to new people to charm.

And the biggest kid of them all..... my husband.....

Excited that our new house will have central air, not thrilled about a three bedroom house with all these kids and researching a tractor for the acre of land that the house is on.

That leaves one person left, me and I'm frankly overwhelmed at the process of buying and moving.  The first time I bought a house I was pregnant and my ex-husband handled the details.  I just directed where I wanted stuff put.  The second time I bought a house, I was pregnant and Brian handled all the packing.  I just paid for the house and directed where I wanted stuff.  This time it's different.  Brian is working and even though we are not moving until August 2, I have to pack and organize the move on top of all the paper work.

Right now I'm at the point where I'm willing to take the dining room table, kitchen ware, beds and clothes, the TV, and the computers and leave the rest in Griffin until my brain can process all the change.  I know that  probably isn't what's' going to happen, but a girl can dream right!

A Day at the Lake

I am currently sitting by the lake watching my kids swim. Actually, I'm sitting under some pine trees, being eaten by bugs, watching my kids swim, and people watching. This lake is part of the state park system of Georgia. The same state park system that I buy a yearly pass to so my kids can enjoy nature and I can enjoy watching our eclectic society!

I'm feeling a little behind the times here.You see, I'm not wearing a swim suit. Yes, I know its odd to take the kids to the beach with no intention of getting in the water, but at 80 degrees its still a little cold for me to brave a spring fed lake. Additionally, I'm a little self conscious about how I look in a swim suit. I'm ten pounds from my "ideal" weight, and in all my current swimsuits either boobs, or butt, or both hang out. My running tan lines and five kid stretch marks don't help my swimsuit confidence either. My darling husband has pointed out none of these insecurties should be a worry of mine at this establishment.

He has a valid point! First, there is visible proof of why the southeast is the heaviest in the US, and they're all wearing two pieces. Second, there are also tramp stamps galore! Shoulder tatoos too (and these are women in my age bracket). Did I miss a fashion memo that tatoos are now a required fashion accessory, because if they are I'm going to be out of fashion for a long time! Lastly, a number of these overweight,  tatted, mothers are also smoking, which is always unflattering in my book!

The kids are having a good time. Hopefully,  there having a good enough time that they go to sleep early and I can shop for a nice, flattering one piece for our next beach adventure!