I'll Never Be A Good Band Parent

My white girl on the drum line!

Today was my first band competition as a band parent.  I am not designed to be a band mom.  A wrestling mom, a soccer mom, a volleyball mom and a track mom yes, but this band mom thing is probably not going to be something I'm good at!  I would have had a better chance at looking like a supportive parent, who was enjoying themselves at Zeke's math meet this morning (and I despise math)!  Please don't think I don't like the arts because that just isn't true.  I love music and I help sponsor the play for our school (which will be a musical this year). I've sat at many a chorus concert and many a band concert over my years as a teacher/parent. I enjoy hearing our band play, but this notion of competition band eludes me.

There were skimpy dance/flag girl outfits on too many girls that should not me wearing sequined spandex (it will only stretch so far).  There was heavy makeup and matching hair of same said girls, to which I can only comment that some parents must be paying a fortune in fake hair and spray tanning (I intended to do NEVER EVER do either).  I don't remember any of our drum majors in high school wearing go go boots with a skirt that barely covered their butt, and almost showed what type of undergarments said drum major was wearing on the band stand thingy. 

See, I don't even know the terminology associated with a band competition!  I thought that an excellent rating would be a good thing, but apparently anything less than a superior is BAD, VERY BAD!  I do like the fire baton thingies (which I was informed by a REAL band parent that they were not called fire baton thingies).  There is the potential for excitement with the fire batons.  Our band director said I would not be getting any fire baton thingies because I would be dangerous with such things. He says the same thing when I play with the drum sticks too, but they don't catch on fire when I play on the drums!  The closest I'm getting to fire anything is if I burn the cookies, or snacks, that I bring for the band kids, which is also apparently not done because band kids should eat out of the concession stand.  (OUR band kids seem to like the cookies so I'll continue to go against the grain with that one!) 

The number one reason I'll never be a good band parent is because band competitions seem to harbor a sexist and racists culture. and contradicting that culture is not well received.  I have little patience for such things in athletics, and in a gym with a couple 100 people I can be really loud about stupid racial or sexist comments made (especially to my kids).  Our band is very small (like 12 kids small, 15 kids small on a good day).  Instead of bigger bands being encouraging about our kids taking the field, they were laughing and talking.  The band that sat behind us today was particularly bad with their comments.  The flute girl behind me was particularly bad.  "Why are they even wasting our time with this band!  THEY'RE A BLACK BAND with one white girl in the band.  What is she doing there?  I think she plays the clarinet or something?"  Okay, at this point I was ready to turn around and slap the nasty flute player with one of those fire baton thingies, but I'm an assistant principal and people usually frown on such things.  Since none of her band chaperons thought to shut her up, (or at least move her away from our two fans (Elijah and I).  The flute player could of moved onto another topic, but she just couldn't let go of the white girl thing.  Keep in mind that I spent thirty minutes braiding Josie's hair for her band hat thing prior to our band taking the field so, I'm not sure what the flute girl was thinking with the comment that I couldn't ignore. "That white girl must be confused going to that school playing clarinet!" With all the southern charm I could manage I replied "Sweetheart, the white girl in OUR band is on the drum line!"  The flute girl then replied ""Well, she must be really confused because girls don't play on the drum line!"  Now, there were lots of things I could of said, and trust me the thought crossed my mind.  How did I respond (because we all know the girl who played hockey and baseball couldn't let that type of comment go)?  No honey, she's not confused, she talented!  Otherwise they'd have her play the flute!  Flute girl's response "That's RUDE!"  Then she finally moved!

So, you see I'll never be a good band parent!  Apparently, I'm RUDE!  I'm loud too so, just watch out at the next band competition.  If I'm a bad band parent, then I intend to be the very best BAD band parent there is.  I have like the next 8 years to practice because Elijah is auditioning for the drum line too!  Fire baton thingies and the betting of how much sequined spandex can stretch shouldn't be the only entertainment at a band competition!

Apparently my band kids don't get band competitions either!