I Don't Understand Tired

I'm sitting here silently fuming that physically well people did not complete their assigned tasks today, which in turn means I can't finish my assigned tasks! I saved up on my energy so I could stay up past ten to complete my task! Today, I heard every excuse that grown ups use when they don't complete their "homework!" Most of them I've heard, but when I was told I wouldn't understand how tired a person was because they had family obligations all weekend,  well that pushed a button.

I'm tired all the time. If I don't get at least 8 hours of sleep then I'm ready for bed at noon. I push hard during the week and would like to fully participate in family functions, but I have to take a nap after grocery shopping. In fact, I have to take a nap or rest after many things I do now. Its part of the joys of Hashimoto's. Being functional requires 6 supplements, a special diet, a highly managed sleep schedule and "management" of stressors.

Do you know what causes me stress? People who open their mouths and say I don't understand tired! Hey, people does the medicine you take every morning make you nauseous?  Does a change in the weather make neurological process like speech difficult for you? Does physcial exertion fatigue your muscles to where they shake and or cramp? Does having five kids, a job and coaching not mean I understand tired? Probably not in their world, but I assure you I understand tired. When looking to give me an excuse next time, how about trying the dog ate it. That excuse doesn't push my buttons and we can all carry on!

Everywhere and No Where Fast

Its been a while since I've written a blog post.  This is in part to school starting and in part to my Hashimoto's going all haywire.  I've been on a roller coaster with my emotions, my energy and my weight.  Get on the scale on Monday and it will say 164.  Get on the scale Tuesday and it will say 155.  Get on the scale Wednesday and it will say 160. No one loses and gains weight that fast unless they have a thyroid condition that is out of control. I hate looking fat and dumpy.  I hate reaching for a pair of pants in the morning and not knowing if I'll be able to button them (even though I could the night before).

My energy level is all over the place too.  I go from hyper to lethargic in the matter of hours, and not at times that those energy levels are needed. I have plenty of energy around 10 pm. At noon I need a nap. This weird energy pattern does not make me the life of the party, nor does it lend itself to getting things done. There is not enough caffeine to keep me awake when the tiredness hits. Even my pinky is heavy. When the hyper stage hits my heart feels like it's going to beat out of my chest. Not the most soothing feeling when your trying to go to sleep so you can wake up at 5am for work.

There have been daily bouts with nausea and vertigo.  Periods of starving to death followed by not wanting to eat anything at all. There are days that it's 8 pm and I realize all I've had to eat was a pop tart I chocked down in the car on the way to work at 6am. This is all thyroid related. Mentally I know that but when you enjoy preparing and eating food the way I do, it's depressing to realize where my current relationship with food is.

Either due to the wacky thyroid, or the rehabbing ankle that hasn't allowed me to run for the last month I'm very irritable.  Honesty,  I've never had much patience for stupid people or lazy people, but I've always been able to tolerate such things. Not recently!  There have been plenty of times in the last couple of weeks that I have gone to the bathroom to talk myself out of choking the bearer of one more task I don't have the energy for, or the off handed comment about how tight my pants look. I used to be able to let such things roll off, but lately I just want to slap the person in front of me. It also hasn't helped that my poor husband, who knows how to handle me when the world becomes too much, has himself been very busy at work and unavailable to talk me off the ledge.

To add insult to injury (or to just over load all my poor brain circuits) my hands have taken to swelling up. The people at work don't know how truly hard headed I can be. Most days I pass for a nice, upbeat, rational person. Imagine their surprise Friday when my finger swelled up so bad that I lost my wedding ring in the skin and I refused to let them cut it off. I'd lose my finger first before I'd allow anyone to cut my wedding ring off! The faces of the front off staff when I made that statement with my finger wrapped in an ice bag, before I attempted to pull said wedding ring off my finger, were shocked. I wanted to go cry and call my husband to come get me, but it was only 9am and there was testing to do and a football game to work, we'll you get the idea. I had to suck it up but looking down at my bruised ring finger during the day made me just want to cry some more.

My brain is everywhere,  but I feel like I'm not going anywhere fast in getting this Hashimoto's in check. I'm stuck and my anchor is busy. Running, cooking and writing that help ground me and keep me moving forward are either off limits or require too much energy to complete.  I guess there's some hope on the horizon.  I go get blood work this week and go to the endocrinologist in a couple of weeks. I just want to get back to the me I'm familiar with and I'm sure those around me would too.

First 5K With The New Ankle Brace and Rehabbed Ankle

Colin likes race selfies!

Today was the first day I took my rehabbing ankle and new brace for a 5K race run.  It was the furthest I've been since May's left ankle impingement.  The race started at 8:30 in the morning and in Southwest Georgia that means the starting temp was around 75 degrees.  That's a little hot for me to run in on account on the Hashimoto's and the increased swelling the heat brings on, but this time I managed to remember to take off my wedding ring prior to it cutting off my circulation after the first mile.  As the little boys were running this race with (read ahead) of mom, I made the two teens living at home get up to cheer us on!  The teens are also handy when it comes to holding things you don't like to run with like your car keys and the wedding ring you worry about losing while its in your running belt!

Unhappy ring/key holder teen!

The host for our morning festivities was Wild Side Running!  If your in Albany, Georgia this is THE RUNNING STORE!  Okay, its the only running store, but the owner Chris does a great job and has great gear at reasonable prices.  (I know because I'm a frequent visitor!)  Besides, anyone who knows to pick the softest poly blend tee shirts for a race and have cup cakes at the end knows how to host a race!  There was even a great dane dog who ran the race with us!  I do a lot of big races so it was nice to have a race director who not only said my name when he said good morning, but knew most of the 100 participants at the starting lane by first name.  The start was also an air horn instead of a gun shot which was probably a little nicer for the surrounding neighbors. Nothing like wondering if someone is starting a race, or if something is going on because you heard gunfire early on a Saturday morning!

Family Shot before running

Colin and Elijah went to the front of the start and I hung out in front of the walkers and the Couch to 5K people.  The course was fairly flat which was good for testing out the new ankle.  No worries if it didn't go well because my physical therapist and office staff were also there to run the race.  Did I mention how nice it is to run a race where people know your name and didn't have to look at your bib to find it out!  The one hill was in the first mile which gave me a chance to see what the brace and ankle would do on my nemesis terrain.  My first mile split was 13:37 which was a whole minute faster than I had been training this month and with the heat climbing I have to admit I was a little nauseous and soaked but, there's only one way to the finish so I kept going.  The little boys were out of sight for the first two miles.  I slowed it down for the second mile, hoping to recover my stomach. Did I mention that the kids ate all my cinnamon pop tarts and didn't tell me so I had to settle for a piece of toast?  No? Well at least I didn't throw up all over someone's lawn.  The route was for the most part shaded, but by 2.5 miles I was really starting to feel that 80 degree heat, but thank God there was a nice little breeze coming off the lake.  I was sad to leave that little cool area, but that was when I noticed two cute little boys walking about 50 meters ahead of me.

Before they wanted to kill each other

It was their first time running together as a pair and it went as well as expected.  I could hear Colin, the runner, telling Elijah, the kid who was running for a cupcake and a shirt, to stop whining they were almost done.  I waved at them, they waved back at me, and Colin took off, and Elijah shook his head. He did that race walk thing you do when you don't want your 40 year old mom to pass you, but you're really too tired to put much effort in it.  Pride won out because when I came 10 meters behind Elijah, he took off to catch up with Colin.  That was around 2.8 and when I rounded the turn at 3.0 miles, Josie decided she'd be cute and motivate me by running the last .1 to the finish line with me.  Zeke couldn't pass up hollering "kick!"  I finished upright and in 45:15ish.  Pretty good for my first race on the impinged ankle and the new heavy duty brace!  More importantly, there were no blisters, my left ankle didn't swell up to twice its normal size, I didn't throw up and I finished up right! Oh and I was only about 45 seconds behind those two cute little boys who had a water and a cupcake waiting!

Hot and a little worse for wear after our race!

Sewing and a Migraine to End Vacation

There's classical music playing, the hum of a sewing machine as old as I am in the back ground and the clicking of the keyboard.  That's what the last day of vacation looks like around here when your trying to get rid of a migraine before you go back to work and get things done.  When our AC went out last weekend, my husband found a pretty high end sewing machine in the attic, cicra 1970 something.  Thank God it had its instructional manual and with my daughter's new found enthusiasm for attempting to use it, we decided it would be a good mother daughter bonding project to make a quilt for the living room.  (It looks easy enough on Pinetrest, right?)

Someone's proud of herself!

I cut most of the pieces because after one yard of fabric, Josie realized that sewing could be a little tedious.  She likes to use the machine, which is fine with me because I think bending over it yesterday is what escalated my headache to an 8 (as well as the bologna sandwich and two days of homemade bread).  Its at a 5 this morning, which is somewhat manageable as long as I don't plan on doing anything too strenuous (like running, or cleaning, or moving fast).  Lucky for me I did my long run (2miles) for my half marathon training yesterday, because it surely would not get done today.

So the plan for the rest of today is to attempt to get rid of this headache, assist as needed with the quilt making and put away some laundry.  I'm sure there will be a couple naps and supper making in there, but really the day will be a success if I can stay upright with my head attached to my shoulders.  Anything else that gets done will be due to my wonderful family or a miracle!

Technology Takeaway

This is the face of an unhappy teenager when you take his electronics away and I mean all his electronics!  No cell phone, no television, no portable gaming system, nothing that plugs in or uses batteries.  You see, my children, like many children have lots of electronic things to occupy their time.  It keeps them quiet on long car rides and to be perfectly honest, it keeps them from fighting with each other.  Many times it is preferable to hear the beeping or clicking of keys then it is to hear "he's breathing on me!"

I remember summers outside, putting on plays and generally playing until our parents called us in at when the sun went down.  My children and their friends think summer is time to get on Facebook, or play video games with their friends (which nowadays does not require them to leave the comfort of their own couch). How can they have a great summer break if all they do is play on their electronics?  There is so much to see, and do and create, but not if the majority of your time is spent sleeping in and plugged in.

 I'm all for technology and all the wonderful things that it allows us to do (like this blog), but I think my kids have spent way to much time in their devices and not enough time outside or interacting with real live people.  So, being the awful parent that my children currently think I am, I have instituted electronic free days.  It has not been well received by the children.  On electronic free days my children are now forced to read paper books, go outside and make up creative ways to fill up their hours.  Just for fun, sometimes I call electronic free hours to force the kids to come up for air and participate in the world around them.  The younger kids seem to be dealing with this better than the older kids.  The older kids are much more attached to their electronic worlds and do not find mom's current experiment "fun."  I'm sure when the whining stops the kids will fondly look back on technology takeaway days, or they will have an effective punishment for their own kids!

The Super Saver Quest

While trolling the blogs, Pinetrest, and Facebook,  I began pondering how easy some people make a tidy, organized, money saving life seem. We've all seen the sites where a mother of ten kids gets her groceries for free and then shows you a hyper otganized, color coded pantry ready for world war 3. How does she do that? Yes I've watched super coupon shows. I get the premises,  but realistically I don't have the time, patience or gumption to go that gung ho into clipping coupons to save money.

On the other hand, I have been looking at the Gagnon family budget (in part because I want a new car and in part because I want to travel and the hubbs really does need a tractor) to see where all our money goes. The prices for food and gas are outrageous,  not to mention health care costs! All this money reflecting has motivated me to at least try looking like the other women I see on the Internet making it work in an organized,  fiscally sound manner. Besides, the money I save can fund my running addiction.

Today's mission was grocery shopping. A chore I dread in part because it's expensive and in part because I get pissed off when a women dressed in designer clothes, handbag and luxury vehicle whips out her ebt card to pay for her groceries. The lines at Wal mart irritate me too so, I've decided to start shopping at Publix.  Much better customer service, and thanks to an article I read this morning I have an app that doesn't require me to clip coupons, or slave over store flyers to find deals. I was even able to make my grocery list using the Publix app and it told me what aisle items were on. Money and time saver equals winning! I was able to save 95.00 and spent less than 300.00 on groceries for a family of six!

I still haven't managed that hyper organized pantry, but when Josie saw all the groceries she decided the pantry needed organization.  My daughter likes to organize anything but her room so, I guess I'm on my way my way to an organized, money saving life. At least until the rest of the family gets home!

Disability Soapbox

I've been away for a while traveling with students, contemplating starting a new educational blog and trying to rest as my TSH levels are all out of whack with my ankle. We are also in full volleyball swing so, I've been a little busy.  On our way home tonight Josie and I witnessed something at the grocery store that compelled me to jump on my soapbox!

"Get the manager here right now!  Right now I said!"

This statement came from an older gentleman (and I use that term very loosely) who was pissed off with something that happened to him at the check out line.  He was loud and making a scene when the manager did not come out immediately as requested.  He went on to DEMAND that a manger come out to see him as he has disabilities and "that smart ass right there asked me to move my car!"  The man went on to explain to the entire front of the store that he was a veteran (too bad they didn't teach him respect or social skills), he has diabetes (blood sugar must be low causing him to rant and rave), and he has had vein reconstruction (probably the reason why he needed to park in the fire lane and block traffic).  Oh he also had his mother in the car and his wife, who I'm sure would of been impressed with his vocal protest of his mistreatment. 

The man went on demanding that the manger speak to the offending "smart ass punk" immediately where he could make sure that the employee was disciplined correctly.  That "smart ass punk" asked the man to move his car, parked in the fire lane, blocking traffic, that had no handicap tag when he finished carrying out the man's groceries to his car.  The car was a Lexus SUV by the way and his wife was in the car when we walked by with the bag boy that dared do his job.  That was the offense that required two managers.

Now, I'm all for letting people know that there are problems with their businesses. You can't fix what you don't know about.  I'm also for advocating for people with disabilities.  What I'm not okay with is someone making out that their disability is an excuse to act like an ass!  All the high school kid did was ask the guy to move his car from blocking traffic.  He even loaded the guy's groceries in the back of his car while he called the kid a smart ass.  Even if you're disabled you don't get to block traffic or park in a fire lane.  Those of us with invisible disabilities struggle enough without someone causing a scene because they are offended being asked to follow the law.  Most of the people I know, and work with, who have disabilities don't ask for special treatment or try to draw attention to themselves because of their disabilities.  Most people with disabilities fight to be treated like people without disabilities. 

You can imagine the ranting man's surprise when I walked by and said "Your disability does not give you an excuse to act like a dumb ass!  Get a handicapped tag!  Son, please help me with my bag!"  That at least gave the manager some time to escort the man towards the door and the poor kid who did his job a chance to escape.

I'll get off my soapbox now!