Victoria's Secret Crazy

I hate going to Victoria's Ain't Got No Secrets, but they were having a sale and I needed some new undergarments. Really, who wears this stuff and who has money for this stuff? More importantly, I really don't want help shopping for my undergarments. As this week has been crazy already, I was hoping I could run in and buy a bra in peace! Of course nothing is that easy this week.

Please keep in mind that it is 20 degrees outside. I have on my winter jacket, wool pants, purple sneakers and due to the fuse blowing in my bathroom this morning, my hair is pulled back into a tiny pony tale. I assure you I am nothing special to look at in my present condition. Imagine my surprise when a young man came up to me and asked if I was one of the Angel's.  Really?! At first I thought he was working at Victoria's because he then asked if he could assist me in selecting my undergarments!  Then held up a pair of 14.50 thongs!

Why me!? Do I look like I wear those? I informed the "helpful" man that I was married with five kids and thongs really weren't my thing. Surprise,the man did not work there and really wasn't going away. I like comfortable and creepy man was making my shopping experience uncomfortable.  I am decidedly not one of Victoria's Angels because if I was someone would deliver these overpriced undergarments to my house where I wouldn't need to deal with creepy men! Creepy man then followed me over to the bras and tried to play guess my size. I'm not talking to this guy, hoping he'd go away, but again I can't catch a break this week. When I bent down to pick up a 36 D creepy guy gets really excited about my choice.  Then he has the nerve to say "Who would know that you were hiding all that under that coat!"

Okay that's enough! I grab my purchases and go up to the counter. When the lady asks if anyone helped me with my purchases I point to Mr. Creepy and said Boo Boo over there tried but he really couldn't handle it! Mr. Creepy then hollered back he likes feisty angels. At this point I just want to get the hell out of the store. The cashier then informed me that Mr. Creepy is a regular and tries those lines all the time. Hello, could you get him the hell out of the store? Can I get the hell out of the store? I did get a free tee shirt out of the experience but not without Mr. Creepy commenting that the shirt would look good on his floor.

Sorry Mr. Creepy it will be a cold day in hell before that happens!

10 Ways To Piss Your Mother Off Before 7am

Mondays are hard enough. Add a child and it gets harder. Add four and there is the potential for nuclear melt down! Before 7am my children banded together to push every button I have, before my coke and breakfast! Here are the ten ways my lovely children pissed me off before sunrise!

1. Don't wake up before 600am! Wake up time has been the same since you started school!  Why do you look so surprised when Monday arrives and your mother is shouting for you to get your butt out of bed? Why does your mother have to threaten to put her foot up your butt to get you out of the bed? Why? Just why?

2. Inform your mother that you got up in the middle of the night and threw up nasty spaghetti!  Yes Colin, we get it! You did not like last night's supper choice, but no one heard you throw up last night. Since you have never thrown up without waking up the entire house hollering for help with throwing up, your lying in an attempt to stay home is rejected! Your ass is going to school just like everyone else!

3. Cut a brownie the size of your head for breakfast! Colin if we believed you were sick last night, eating a brownie (which were supposed to be for lunches) the size of your head is not what's for breakfast. Only it was because Colin put his snotty nose on head sized brownie before I could make it a reasonable size, or snatch it from his hands and replace the brownie with something more breakfast oriented.

4. Tell your siblings their stupid and lazy! Yes Elijah the rest of the clan is lazy but not stupid! Engaging in a shouting match to prove that your siblings are stupid because they don't know all the power ranger episodes does not prove your point and it just distracts the rest of them from getting ready!

5. Try to act like the boss when your laying face down on the couch pretending to take a nap! Elijah get up and assist your brothers and sister with getting ready! Please!

6. Start fighting over whose wearing whose pants. Just put some pants on! He'll wear shorts! I don't care just get dressed and out to the bus!

7. Stand with the fridge open and state there is nothing for lunch! No, there is plenty for lunch, but it will require you getting a bag for the food, some bread and sandwich meat and make a sandwich! It's not rocket science it's a sandwhich!

8. Not have your FFA official dress ready to go prior to 630 departure time! Josie, not only were you asked 3000 times over the weekend if your official dress was clean and ready, you stated it was. This will be the third black skirt you lost since August and it's mine! Clean your room and we may find them in the pit of clothes that are spilling from what used to be a chair in your room!

9. Not be ready to leave at 630! No lunch, no track stuff,  can't find your books, need a pencil, can't find your purse!  WTH have you not mastered laying everything out the night before?  That's what you told us you were doing at midnight!  Apparently Josie had amnesia when morning hit because she couldn't find anything and we were late leaving, like thirty minutes late!

10. Blame/accuse your brothers of taking your black skirt and panty hose while your mother is trying to pull into traffic! I assure you Josie as strange as your brothers are, they do not wear women's clothing! Even if they did none of them would wear it in your size! Your attempt to justify the fact that you can't get your crap together caused us to have a fender bender.

BONUS
Pointing out that Daddy is going to be pissed and it is now our normal arrival time to school!  I assure you I'm pissed for both of us!

EXTRA BONUS and NUCLEAR MELT DOWN
Josie stating that's why she doesn't let me use the phone when I'm driving!

Fun times all before sunrise and caffeine!